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Are you “Tapping” your way to happiness?

April 28, 2012 By Leave a Comment
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What is Tapping?

Millions of people are settling for lives filled with poor health and emotional baggage. Not knowing how to achieve the joyful and satisfying lives they desire, they’re stuck accepting a lifestyle of emotional trauma, chronic physical pain, compulsions and addictions, or perhaps just an empty feeling inside. Along with these problems come pills to kill the pain, sleep at night, and suppress anxiety – but this is hardly better than the disease.

If you’re like many people, you feel trapped, caught in this cycle. You’re tired of feeling sad, depressed, anxious, discontent, and unwell. You’re sick of the expensive and ineffective treatments. You’re fed up with relinquishing the power over your health and happiness to psychologists and doctors. You’d like to grow, flourish, and thrive, putting the past in the past. You want to be your best, living a life that is filled with peacefulness, joy, and fulfillment, from day to day and moment to moment.

With Tapping, you can do that. You can discover the vital secret for emotional wholeness and physical relief. You can take your physical and emotional well-being into your own hands. It’s simple for anyone to master, and it’s free.

Tapping provides relief from chronic pain, emotional problems, disorders, addictions, phobias, post traumatic stress disorder, and physical diseases. While Tapping is newly set to revolutionize the field of health and wellness, the healing concepts that it’s based upon have been in practice in Eastern medicine for over 5,000 years. Like acupuncture and acupressure, Tapping is a set of techniques which utilize the body’s energy meridian points. You can stimulate these meridian points by tapping on them with your fingertips – literally tapping into your body’s own energy and healing power.

Your body is more powerful than you can imagine… filled with life, energy, and a compelling ability for self-healing. With Tapping, you can take control of that power.

Learn more about Tapping and attend a free Tapping World Summit HERE.

 

So How Does It All Work?

All negative emotions are felt through a disruption of the body’s energy. And physical pain and disease are intricately connected to negative emotions. Health problems create feedback – physical symptoms cause emotional distress, and unresolved emotional problems manifest themselves through physical symptoms. So, the body’s health must be approached as a whole. You cannot treat the symptoms without addressing the cause, and vice-versa.

The body, like everything in the universe, is composed of energy. Restore balance to the body’s energy, and you will mend the negative emotions and physical symptoms that stem from the energy disruption. Tapping restores the body’s energy balance, and negative emotions are conquered.

The basic technique requires you to focus on the negative emotion at hand: a fear or anxiety, a bad memory, an unresolved problem, or anything that’s bothering you. While maintaining your mental focus on this issue, use your fingertips to tap 5-7 times each on 12 of the body’s meridian points. Tapping on these meridian points – while concentrating on accepting and resolving the negative emotion – will access your body’s energy, restoring it to a balanced state.

You may be wondering about these meridians. Put simply, energy circulates through your body along a specific network of channels. You can tap into this energy at any point along the system.

This concept comes from the doctrines of traditional Chinese medicine, which referred to the body’s energy as “ch’i.” In ancient times, the Chinese discovered 100 meridian points. They also discovered that by stimulating these meridian points, they could heal. Call it energy, call it the Source, call it life force, call it ch’i… Whatever you want to call it, it works.

In some ways, Tapping is similar to acupuncture. Like Tapping, acupuncture achieves healing through stimulating the body’s meridians and energy flow. However, unlike Tapping, acupuncture involves needles! “No needles” is definitely one of the advantages of Tapping.

Acupuncture also takes years to master. Acupuncture practitioners must memorize hundreds of meridian points along the body; the knowledge and training take years to acquire.

Tapping is simple and painless. It can be learned by anyone. And you can apply it to yourself, whenever you want, wherever you are. It’s less expensive and less time consuming. It can be used with specific emotional intent towards your own unique life challenges and experiences. Most importantly, it gives you the power to heal yourself, putting control over your destiny back into your own hands.

The History of Tapping: An Accidental Discovery Leads to a Healing Revolution

It began in 1980, with a psychologist by the name of Roger Callahan, and a patient with an extreme phobia of water. Mary’s fear of water controlled her life and kept her from daily activities. She was unable to take her children to the beach and was unable to drive near the ocean; she grew fearful when it rained, and could not even withstand the sight of water on TV. She had vivid nightmares involving water.

Dr. Callahan and Mary had been working on this problem together for over a year. Finally, Mary worked up the courage to sit within sight of the pool at Dr. Callahan’s house. Even doing this caused Mary extreme distress, and though she found ways to cope with the intense fear and emotional pain, she did not overcome her phobia. They discussed her problem, and how to overcome it, but without success.

Her fear of being near the water caused Mary stomach pains – a common “gut reaction.” Dr. Callahan had recently been studying traditional Chinese medicines, and learning about meridians. Suddenly he had an inspiration. Remembering that there was an acupuncture point for the stomach meridian on the cheekbone, he asked her to tap there, thinking it might cure her stomach pains.

Mary tapped her cheekbone as directed, and this little action changed medicinal history! The response seemed miraculous, to both Mary and Dr. Callahan. Her stomach pains disappeared. But even more amazingly, her phobia of water disappeared, too! She ran down to the pool and began splashing herself with water, rejoicing in her newfound freedom from fear.

Based on this discovery, Dr. Callahan began a series of investigations to develop and refine this technique, which he termed Thought Field Therapy. Gary Craig trained under Dr. Callahan’s tutelage in the 1990′s, learning the procedures for TFT. As time passed, Craig began to observe some problems with TFT, aspects that he saw were unnecessary complications.

TFT required practitioners to tap on a specific sequence of meridians (called an algorithm) for each different problem. Diagnosing the problem required a technique called muscle testing, wherein the practitioner would measure the relative strength of a muscle, while the patient explored various thoughts or statements.

Craig observed repeated scenarios in which the problem was incorrectly diagnosed or the practitioner tapped out the meridian points in the wrong order, yet the patient was still helped.. Based on these observations, he concluded that it did not matter in which order the meridian points were tapped.

Craig developed EFT as a simplified, improved version of the concepts behind Callahan’s TFT. EFT has one basic, simple sequence of points to tap, no matter what the situation.

Because of this, thousands of people have used Tapping for illnesses and to resolve emotional problems. Tapping practitioners have studied the techniques and trained to take on more complicated and difficult cases, and these dedicated practitioners report more successful applications daily. More and more people are discovering and exploring Tapping. Many are discovering how Tapping can change their lives.

Basic Tapping Sequence for Anxiety

As discussed, Tapping can be used for everything- try it on everything! In this example, we’ll focus on general anxiety.

Try it now with this initial sequence. Here’s how a basic Tapping sequence works:

  • Identify the problem you want to focus on. It can be general anxiety, or it can be a specific situation or issue which causes you to feel anxious.
  • Consider the problem or situation. How do you feel about it right now? Rate the intensity level of your anxiety, with zero being the lowest level of anxiety and ten being the highest.
  • Compose your set up statement. Your set up statement should acknowledge the problem you want to deal with, then follow it with an unconditional affirmation of yourself as a person.

“Even though I feel this anxiety, I deeply and completely accept myself.”
“Even though I’m anxious about my interview, I deeply and completely accept myself.”
“Even though I’m feeling this anxiety about my financial situation, I deeply and completely accept myself.”
“Even though I panic when I think about ______, I deeply and completely accept myself. ”
“Even though I’m worried about how to approach my boss, I deeply and completely accept myself.”
“Even though I’m having trouble breathing, I deeply and completely accept myself.”

  • Perform the set up.

With four fingers on one hand, tap the Karate Chop point on your other hand. The Karate Chop point is on the outer edge of the hand, on the opposite side from the thumb.

Repeat the set up statement three times aloud, while simultaneously tapping the Karate Chop point. Now take a deep breath!

Get ready to begin tapping! Here are some tips to help you achieve the right technique.

  • You should use a firm but gentle pressure, as if you were drumming on the side of your desk or testing a melon for ripeness.
  • You can use all four fingers, or just the first two (the index and middle fingers). Four fingers are generally used on the top of the head, the collarbone, under the arm… wider areas. On sensitive areas, like around the eyes, you can use just two.
  • Tap with your fingertips, not your fingernails. The sound will be round and mellow.
  • The tapping order begins at the top and works down. You can end by returning to the top of the head, to complete the loop.
  • Now, tap 5-7 times each on the remaining eight points in the following sequence:Eft Tappingno
    Head (H)
    The crown, center and top of the head. Tap with all four fingers on both hands.

    Eyebrow (EB)
    The inner edges of the eyebrows, closest to the bridge of the nose. Use two fingers.

    Side of eye (SE)
    The hard area between the eye and the temple. Use two fingers. Feel out this area gently so you don’t poke yourself in the eye!

    Under eye (UE)
    The hard area under the eye, that merges with the cheekbone. Use two fingers, in line beneath the pupil.

    Under nose (UN)
    The point centered between the bottom of the nose and the upper lip. Use two fingers.

    Chin (CH)
    This point follows symmetrically with the previous one, and is centered between the bottom of the lower lip and the chin.

    Collarbone (CB)
    Tap just below the hard ridge of your collarbone with four fingers.

    Underarm (UA)
    On your side, about four inches beneath the armpit. Use four fingers.

    Head (H)
    And back where you started, to complete the sequence.

As you tap on each point, repeat a simple reminder phrase, such as “my anxiety” or “my interview” or “my financial situation.” Tap firmly with the first two fingers on each hand.

Now take another deep breath!

  • Now that you’ve completed the sequence, focus on your problem again. How intense is the anxiety now, in comparison to a few minutes ago? Give it a rating on the same number scale.
  • If your anxiety is still higher than “2″, you can do another round of tapping. Keep tapping until the anxiety is gone. You can change your set up statement to take into account your efforts to fix the problem, and your desire for continued progress. “Even though I have some remaining anxiety, I deeply and completely accept myself.” “Even though I’m still a little worried about this interview, I deeply and completely accept myself.” And so on.
  • Now that you’ve focused on dispelling your immediate anxiety, you can work on installing some positive feelings instead.

Note: This is a different approach than traditional “positive thinking.” You’re not being dishonest with yourself. You’re not trying to obscure the stress and anxiety inside yourself with a veneer of insincere affirmations. Rather, you’ve confronted and dealt with the anxiety and negative feelings, offering deep and complete acceptance to both your feelings and your self. Now, you’re turning your thoughts and vibrations to the powerful and positive. That’s what makes Tapping so much more effective than the “positive thinking” techniques that many of you have already tried. It’s not just a mental trick; instead, you’re using these positive phrases and tapping to tune into the very real energy of positivity, affirmation, and joy that is implicit inside you. You’re actually changing your body’s energy into a more positive flow, a more positive vibration.

Here are some example phrases to guide you:

“I have faith in my ability to change.”
“I am joyful about these positive changes.”
“I am accomplishing so much.”
“I enjoy the calm and peace that I have.”
“I love the person that I am.”
“I am becoming a more relaxed and joyful person.”

You can use these positive phrases with the same tapping points and sequences described above.

Congratulations! You’ve completed your first Tapping sequence.

Learn more about Tapping and attend a free Tapping World Summit HERE.

 

Filed Under: Emotional, Health, Physical, Psychological Tagged With: , ,

From Conscious Loving to Super-Conscious Loving: by Gay & Kathlyn Hendricks

December 5, 2011 By Leave a Comment
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Up until very recently, the context of intimate relationships was colored heavily by survival fears. Although this is still true for many people, there is now a vast number of people for whom survival is not the main priority when they wake up each day. A focus on survival shapes the nature of relationship: For example, it makes it important to do one’s duty and steadfastly inhabit the roles prescribed by the social and religious authority structure of the time. In times past, less attention was paid to psychological or spiritual fulfillment, and techniques for problem-solving were essentially non-existent. Gay tells an illustrative story: “When I was in graduate school, I mentioned to my grandfather that I was in therapy to ‘handle some issues about my self-esteem.’ He asked me what therapy was, and chuckled as I explained it to him. I asked him how they handled such issues when he was a young man. ‘Issues, hell,’ he said, ‘We were too busy handling plows.’” He had run away from home at sixteen to avoid getting trapped in the role of a farmer.

Things changed as the twentieth century gained momentum. From our parents’ time up until the present, the context of relationship shifted toward “luxury-items” such as the fulfillment of potential. Movies, literature and other arts began to celebrate the transcendent possibilities of relationship–symbolized by the graceful dance of Fred and Ginger–and the Freudian revolution seemed to offer tools for handling problems when mis-steps caused us to tread on each other painfully.

Discover “The Relationship Solution” with Gay and Kathlyn HERE.

The New Context

It is a huge shift in context from survival (“handling plows”) to fulfillment (‘handling issues.”) In the survival-context, life is lived in waves of fear and hunger, with periods of relief from fear. In the fulfillment-context, life is lived in waves of fulfillment and the hunger for more. We believe, however, that the context is about to make an even larger shift, opening access to a new force-field electric with previously-hidden potential. We believe that relationships in the new millenium will shift toward a focus on appreciation and celebration. The focus will be on the flow of connection. As people become more sensitive to the flow of energy inside themselves and in their relationships, they are looking beyond traditional problem-solving and therapeutic techniques. They want life-skills they can use by-the-moment to awaken and enhance the flow of connection. The art of appreciating is the best way we’ve found to deepen the flow of connection. A single act of skillful committing or appreciating instantly shifts the relationship into a greater felt-sense of flow.

To imagine the kind of context-shift we’re talking about, think of a magician’s tablecloth trick. Picture two fabulous place-settings: Baccarat crystal glasses, Limoges china and your favorite silver. Imagine you and your beloved sitting down to dine amidst the beauty of the table-setting, when suddenly you realize the table cloth is made of…wax paper.

Quickly, though, you make a decision to enhance the quality of your life rather than despairing over it. You snap your fingers and a magician appears. With a wink and a smooth flourish, the magician whips the wax paper out from under the place settings without disturbing them. With another magical move, he slides a crisp linen tablecloth under the place-settings, without so much as rattling a teacup. Suddenly the essential beauty of what was there before is enhanced. Only one thing has changed, but everything has changed.

That’s not only a context-shift, it’s a conscious marriage of the power of your intention with your ability to create real magic.

That’s the domain of the new paradigm.

Practically Speaking

In the survival context , relationships exist inside the question, “What must we do to survive?” Considerable time is spent shoring up defenses against hostile forces and carrying out chores in the rut of routine. There is little time or energy to search for fulfillment. You are watching and listening for threats to your survival.

In the fulfillment context, we live inside different questions, such as “What must we do to fulfill our potential?” and “How can we solve the problems which are the barriers to expressing that potential?” Considerable attention is paid to the past, where the barriers were presumed to have been been originally erected. Considerable energy is consumed in power struggles about which partner bears responsibility for the barrier. You are watching and listening for how to meet the needs of others and whether your own needs are being met.

In the new paradigm, the questions are profoundly different than survival or fulfillment. Your relationships live within questions such as,

“What commitments do I need to embrace which will allow the relationship to flourish?”

“What do I really admire and love about my partner?”

“How can I best appreciate those qualities and actions?”

“What can I do to make myself more available for appreciation?”

Although you have good problem-solving techniques at your disposal, you do not focus as much on problems. Instead, you look for what’s right in the other person and in the relationship. You embark on a shared quest to find each other’s essential qualities so that they may be skillfully appreciated.

You initiate your entry into the new paradigm with a conscious choice. Imagine life as a waiter or waitress, offering you a menu with three choices on it:

•Living your life in waves of fear.

•Living your life in waves of fulfillment.

•Living your life in waves of celebration.

If you were going to pick one, what would your choice be?

In our relationship seminars, 99% of the participants choose celebration. There seems to be one or two people in every group who cannot imagine life without fear or the quest for fulfillment. Almost everyone else, though, sees that the conscious choice to organize your life around a context of appreciation opens up the greatest number of possibilities. If your life is about appreciation, you can celebrate even the days when your body is occupied by fear or your mind is pre-occupied with a potential you haven’t fulfilled.

If you listen closely to the communications of most couples, you will see that some of their utterances may be colored by survival concerns, but a majority of them are surrounded by an aura of fulfillment and the lack thereof. Specifically, communications come with expectations embedded within them–or disappointment and anger that those expectations have not been fulfilled. Nowadays, when a woman says to her husband, “You forgot to get the potatoes at the store,” she is not likely to be talking about a survival issue. More likely, the sub-text of the communication is “If you loved me, you would have remembered the potatoes,” or “If you loved me you would listen when I tell you what I need from the store.” She may be saying, “I don’t feel loved and appreciated, and here’s further evidence of why I have every right to feel that way.”

These patterns have a way of hardening into place with time, so that many couples develop rigidly predictable styles of thinking and communicating. One of our poet-friends came by to visit us after being at a party with many long-married couples. She lamented that most of the couples looked like “matched pairs of glazed pots.” That’s the effect of staying too long in an old paradigm.

The new paradigm extends out from partner-interactions to the larger arena of life-as-a-whole. In its broadest application, the new paradigm is about how to live your whole life from a stance of gratitude rather than a stance of scarcity. It’s about greeting each moment of life with an open heart rather than a judgmental mind. It asks you to express appreciation for no other reason than your decision to live a grateful life. Rather than waiting for life to bring experiences to you so that you can judge them worthy of appreciation, you initiate the new paradigm by taking a pro-active stance of gratitude toward your life-experience. You walk through life as a philanthropist rather than a supplicant, a producer rather than a consumer.

The difference is profound.

©  Kathlyn Hendricks, Ph.D. and Gay Hendricks, Ph.D.

Discover “The Relationship Solution” with Gay and Kathlyn HERE.

Filed Under: Lifestyle, Psychological, Relationships, Spirit & Wisdom Tagged With: , , , , ,

Who are you pointing at?

October 3, 2011 By Leave a Comment
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Whenever we blame someone else for anything, we are non verbally (and sometimes
physically) pointing our finger at them!

I am sure you have heard that described in the past at pointing your finger at someone, means
there are THREE pointing back to you!

Recently, an alert reader (as Dave Barry calls them), pointed out to me
that we ignore the position of the thumb – which is usually pointing upwards.

So why is that significant? In several ways.

One, because it’s a great reminder for us that whenever we point the finger at someone, not
only are we three parts to blame but we usually forget to consider the whole picture. To look at
all the components contributing to the current situation.

Two, if you are spiritually inclined, it is a reminder to look towards God (or whatever you
believe in) and remind yourself to look at the person and situation as God would look at it –
with love, compassion and understanding! To consider the spiritual wisdom that might be
behind the current events or even to consider forgiveness!

Since I started thinking about this, I try to do it when I have a ‘disagreement’ with my husband!
We ALL point the finger at others at times – we either blame them out loud or silently condemn
them for causing us grief!

So the last time I did this – it was a silent ‘blaming’! Where I was feeling hard done by, feeling
sorry for myself as, once again I was a mere innocent victim of his random mood! LOL

Suddenly, the image of my hand pointing at him flashed through my mind! Darn. I realized I
had to take SOME responsibility and look at my own actions leading up to this particular event.
OK, well quite a LOT of responsibility!

I also needed to do a little reframe from God’s perspective – to look at the situation from above
– seeing the WHOLE picture and acknowledging ALL the elements that we in play.

How many times do we point the finger at someone at work – we blame them for being
incompetent or useless or irritating or annoying. We make it very personal – particularly as
leaders.

And of course, everyone needs to take responsibility for their own actions BUT many times
there are other circumstances and YOU ….yes, YOU…contribute significantly to the behavior
that annoys you!

Have you ever noticed that when you stop reacting to something a person does that annoys
you, they either stop doing it – or it just seems to disappear as an issue?!

Or when your first reaction is compassion and an attempt to understand, YOU remain calmer
and deal with life’s curve balls much better?

Pointing our finger can become a really useful tool to remind us to be forgiving; to use
compassion; to check our own actions before we cast aspersions at another; to be a better
parent (remember – we are a large factor in who our children are); to be a better leader – and
just plain old responsible for our actions!

Imagine if you introduced this symbol to your family or your work ‘family’ – if you taught
everyone what it REALLY meant!

It would be something you could do with a smile if you suspect someone is silently blaming
you! Or even if they are overtly blaming you!

Do it when you find yourself blaming someone else to trigger a) looking at your own
contribution and b) to consider the higher spiritual truth going on; or to trigger forgiveness if it is
necessary – or just to remind you to be compassionate and be kind.

Discuss this over dinner tonight and make it a family ritual to use with humor – asking each
other (if you hear blaming happening or victim like statements) “you wouldn’t be doing this
would you?”!

It might even start a new trend at work or home where people not only take more responsibility
for their own actions but also more consistently consider the bigger picture or spiritual wisdom
in situations.

WHOO HOOO – wouldn’t that be special!!

Amanda Gore is an international speaker, author and featured in the AVAIYA film,
MPower: Empowering Women in Business and Beyond www.avaiya.com
Learn more about Amanda at: www.amandagore.com
Filed Under: Community, Emotional, Psychological, Spirit & Wisdom

The truth of who you really are is often hiding in plain sight.

September 30, 2011 By Leave a Comment
chuck


Wisdom in the Round from Chuck Hillig

Excerpted from his book, Seeds for the Soul Copyright 2011 by Chuck Hillig

 
     The truth of who you really are is often hiding in plain sight.   The cosmic clues are really everywhere: in music, books, paintings, movies, poems, songs, plays, sculpture, photographs, etc.   Your very best clues to this profound wisdom, however, are sometimes hidden in the unlikeliest of places.
     For example, do you think that you could ever write something that would be the perfect expression of the greatest wisdom, i.e. the very quintessential core of reality, itself?   Then, in that same description, could you also include the most practical way of living out your day-to-day existence in the light of such an awesome Truth?
     One more condition:  Could you also please limit your summary of these profound teachings…both spiritual and psychological…to only eighteen common words?
     That’s right:  only 18 simple words!
     Give up?   Well, relax because someone else has already done it for you.   In fact, you already know these 18 words because they’ve been a part of your American heritage since you were a kid.
     Remember some of the campfire songs that you used to sing as a “round?”  One of the old classics was “Row, row, row your boat.”    Well, I contend that this simple little ditty describes not only the ultimate Truth of the Universe, but that it also gives very practical advice about how to live your life out in the face of that Reality.
     For those of you who were raised in another country, the words to this little campfire song go like this:
         “Row, row, row your boat,
          Gently down the stream,
          Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily,
          Life is but a dream.”
     In the first line, the song implies that you’re making some kind of journey over water in “…your boat.” Most importantly, however, the line begins by repeating the very same word (“Row, row, row…”) three times and reminding you that, on this journey, you’ll need to expend your energy, persistence and ongoing effort.
     In the second line, however, the song implies that you shouldn’t really be “pushing the river.” Instead, it suggests that you should be performing all of this rowing activity very“gently.”  Not with anger or resistance or by using brute force, but “gently” which means, according to the dictionary, with an “easy grace” and with both “courtesy and kindness.”
     The second part of the line reminds you that, while you’re gently rowing along, your boat is still headed in a particular direction, specifically downstream.  It doesn’t suggest that you could go against the current or even across it. Instead, the line implies that, inexorably, (and, like it or not) your boat is still going “…down the stream.”
     And, since it’s carrying you along some predetermined route, (the streambed, itself), there’s no reason to struggle against where it’s taking you.   So, the first two lines of the song suggest that you definitely need to make an ongoing effort on your own behalf (“Row, row, row…”), but, on the other hand, you also need to be willing to surrender to the inevitability of the whole process.
     Now the third line is really the key: it tells you not only how you should perform all of this “rowing” but what you need to be feeling in your heart while you’re doing it.   The song suggests, quite frankly, that you should be “merry” that is, “happy” and “joyous.” Not only does it say“merrily” once, but, for greater emphasis (and to make sure that you really get the point), this same word is repeated a total of four separate times.
      In exhorting you to be “merry” as you’re rowing “gently down the stream,” the song implies that your attitude and behavior should be full of “fun and laughter,”  “festive” and even “celebratory.”
     The big punch line, of course, comes in the last five words:  “Life is but a dream.”  At the end, it seems, none of it has ever been “real.” There never was either a “real” boat or a “real” passenger. There wasn’t any “water” and there wasn’t any actual journeying down a stream to some final destination.  The last line plainly suggests, instead, that ALL of it…boat, passenger, water and the journey…has only been a manifestation of maya…the Great Illusion.
     Amazingly, this same core Truth about the illusory nature of the universe has been spoken of for centuries by the cross-cultural Perennial philosophy.
     Isn’t it absolutely incredible that such profound wisdom could be successfully distilled down into only 18 simple words, and that it’s now become cleverly disguised as a simple little ditty that’s sung with our friends around a campfire?
     And isn’t it rather ironic that it took me 772 words to remind you about it?
**********************************************************
Chuck Hillig is the author of five books on eastern philosophy and lives in Locust Grove, VA.
You can see Chuck in the AVAIYA film, Leap! where Chuck and others peel back the illusions of life www.leapmovie.com
Filed Under: Psychological, Spirit & Wisdom Tagged With: , , , , ,

Leap! Into Forgiveness with iKE ALLEN & Way of the Peaceful Warrior author Dan Millman

July 12, 2011 By 1 Comment
Dan Millman

Often when people think of health and wellness in their lives, they overlook topics such as forgiveness.

In the first film I created, Leap!, forgiveness is one of the topics discussed by myself, DanMillman and other authors, scientists, psychologists, etc.

I discovered forgiveness has many interpretations and benefits.

Hi Dan. What is forgiveness to you?

Forgiveness involves different things for different people.  For some, it’s saying the words, “I forgive you.”  For others, whether or not the words are ever spoken, forgiveness is a heartfelt wave of compassion, a moment of understanding, a recognition of the difficulties and human limitations and frailties of another who as wronged or betrayed us in some way.

Frankly, I don’t much like this whole idea of “forgiving others.”  There is an arrogance to this idea:  “I forgive you for having wronged me.”  “I forgive my parents for having wounded me” and all that.  If we observe ourselves very carefully and realistically, we may notice that our most important order of business is not in forgiving others, but in asking forgiveness. This seems to me the more worthwhile goal to pursue.

 

Why should someone forgive and what are the benefits of forgiving Dan?

Someone once said that “resenting someone is like letting them live rent-free in our head.”  I also like the words of Jimmy Buffet: “Breathe in, breathe out, move on.”   Life’s too short.  The fact is that people mess up. You do.  I do. It’s all part of being human.

When someone forgives, are they condoning certain actions?

Forgiveness has nothing to do with playing the role of victim.  It is simply the recognition that something or someone hurt us. The experience leaves open the possibility for healing that relationship nonetheless but acknowledging their role (and ours) in what happened.

I find the 12-step program a good model in this whole area of forgiveness.  When we wrong someone, we need to take specific steps of acknowledging, specifically, what we did, and then making amends and doing what we can to correct or compensate for it. This completes the healing that involves forgiving self and others.

Must someone forgive if a person continues to hurt them?

If someone wrongs me once, it’s their responsibility.  If they wrong me in the same way a second time, it’s my responsibility.  It takes two to tango.  So by all means, turn the other cheek. Once.

What if someone doesn’t want to forgive?

Then don’t. But recognize that we may resent and “punish” others, and in doing so, we also punish ourselves in the process.

What if someone forgives and doesn’t forget?

I like the idea of “forgive, but don’t forget.”  Forgiving is learning and rising above — not ignoring what happened.  The idea is to grow wiser and more compassionate.

How do suggest someone forgives others?

As that little green guy, Yoda, might say, “There is no try.  Just do, or do not.”  And there is no how.  We forgive others, we learn and let it go, or we do not.  Either way, there are consequences to ourselves and others with whatever path you choose.

While filming Leap! we talked in length about how to forgive ourselves. Can you speak about this again?

This question could have and perhaps should have been the first one you asked, because it is often as difficult or even more difficult to forgive ourselves than to forgive others.  Once we find compassion for ourselves, it is easier to find compassion for others.  Anne Truitt wrote, “It takes kindness to forgive oneself for one’s life.”  So there is no “how” to forgiving oneself.  It requires the same compassion, understanding and insight to recognize that we are perfect but not yet perfected — that we make mistakes and continue to learn as we stumble towards the light.

Dan Millman is a former world-champion athlete, university coach, martial arts instructor, and college professor. His 13 books, include bestsellers such as Way of the Peaceful Warrior, Wisdom of the Peaceful Warrior and The Life You Were Born to Live. The feature film, Peaceful Warrior, starring Nick Nolte, was adapted from Dan’s first book, an autobiographical novel.

See Dan and iKE in the film that questions everything: www.leapmovie.com

–The TRUTH for me “Post Enlightenment” is that “I” still need to wear pants in public. I thought TRUTH was going to wake up within me and allow me to possibly float around as some sort of energetic being. No such outcome…yet.

-Ike Allen Founder of Avaiya

Learn more at: www.avaiya.com

 

Filed Under: Psychological