A good question everyone has of course is, “Aren’t I right and justified in being angry when it’s so clear that something terrible has been done?” I know the problem and I know the answer. Unfortunately for students of A Course in Miracles, a statement occurs twice that says, “The anger that we feel is never justified.” It never says we should not be angry or that it’s a sin to be angry; it simply says that when you do get angry, don’t try to justify it. And the reason for that is all anger, regardless of the form of the abuse or the sin or the problem, all anger is a statement that says, “Because of what you’ve done, I am not peaceful. Because of what you’ve done, hundreds and millions of people are not peaceful.” That’s a lie. William Blake said long ago, “Don’t believe the lie.” Everything in this world is a lie. There’s a line in the Course that says, “Nothing so blinding as perception of form.” You should not believe anyone who comes from the position that the world is real, bodies are real and bad things happen to bodies. If someone says that to you, don’t listen to them because they are labeling under a psychotic delusion and are hallucinating in thinking that there’s a world out there in which people get hurt. There is no world out there.

 

It will be like this: if I had a dream tonight about you, and I saw you the next day, and in that dream I had about you last night, you do something really unconscionable to me, you abuse me, attack me terrible, and I come see you the next day and yell at you for what you did to me last night, you would lock me up. You would wonder if I had taken my medication this morning, because you say, “I don’t know what you’re talking about!” Well that’s what happens when we get angry. We are blaming other people for the dis-ease that we feel. This doesn’t mean that other people aren’t coming from their Egos, it’s simply saying, “What do other Egos have to do with me?” What do other Egos have to do with me? No matter what they’ve done, they are not responsible for my not feeling the Love and the Peace of God. That is always the bottom line. That’s why anger is never justified.

 

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You may attack my Body but you cannot attack my Mind. There’s a line in the Course that’s a rhetorical question that says, “Are thoughts dangerous?” And then the answer is, “To bodies, yes.” But I’m not a Body. You’re not a Body. There is no world in which bodies interact. That’s part of the hallucination. There’s a line that says, “What if you knew this world was an hallucination?” Well, it would terrify us, because if the world was an hallucination, as it is, then I don’t exist. I’m not here! I can only be here as a Body living in a world into which I believe I was born – a world that existed before I was born, a world that existed while I’m here, and a world that will exist after I die. But all that is made up; it’s just a bad dream. A gigantic dream, but it is still a dream.

 

So the question is, “Who am I angry at?” And who is the “I” that is getting angry? I want to get angry at you. That’s why anger is such a problem. Psychologists are very wrong – and I can speak of that since I’m a psychologist – psychologists are very wrong when they say that anger is a basic human emotion. It’s not a basic human emotion. There are no basic human emotions. There are no human emotions. There’s only one emotion in the Mind, if you want to call it emotion, and that would be Fear. Everything in this world is a projection and a split off part of that Fear. But anger is not a basic human emotion; anger is a wish, a wish that says, “I want to be unfairly treated by you, so I can be justified in being angry and point an accusing finger at you – and say,” in the words of the Course, “Behold me Brother, in your hands I die.” Or in your hands I suffer. And I need people to attack so that then God will find them out and discover them to be the sinner and not me. A fundamental principle of the Ego thought system is one or the other. In fact, that’s how the Ego thought system began – it was God or the Ego. It was a capital S Self of perfect Oneness or a little s self of individuality, separation, and specialness and uniqueness. It’s one or the other; both can’t co-exist.

 

And so, if the Ego is to survive, it has to believe that it destroyed God. And of course then, that’s what the Course would call original sin except it’s a sin that never happened, it’s just a sin that we believe happened . But since that’s what made the Ego, and the Ego is our father, the Ego is our source, then everything we do revolves around that “one or the other” mentality. I don’t care about you; I just care that my needs are met. And if it’s one or the other, there can only be one sinner, and I want to be sure that it’s you and not me. So I want you to hurt me, I want you to do unkind things, that’s the key thing in this Course that makes it so unique as a Spirituality – it exposes the darkest depths of the Ego thought system that has the thought, “I want you to do bad things.” Because then I can say to God, “Here’s the sinner.” And there’s a line in the Course, actually it’s the same section that “Behold me Brother, in your hands I die” comes in; it says, “Your brother’s sins are writ in Heaven… and go before him.” I want you to sin against me, so God in his Heaven will see your sins and they will go before you and he will lead you to Hell. If it’s one or the other, if you go to Hell, I must go to Heaven. And what is it that establishes you as a sinner?  My suffering. In fact, the title of that section is “The Picture of Crucifixion,” which is not a reference to the Biblical myth, it has nothing to do with the Biblical story. We all show this picture of Crucifixion to each other; look how you’ve hurt me. That’s why people love to hold onto their child abuse stories and will never let them go. And they’re willing to pay therapists thousands upon thousands upon thousands of dollars to reinforce the fact that something terrible happened to them. Now indeed, something terrible happened to their bodies, and I’m not justifying people’s pedophilia or people’s child abuse, but I’m simply saying, “That’s not the cause of my distress now.” It’s understandable, as a child, I would be greatly distressed over sexual abuse, physical abuse, emotional abuse, but I’m not that child anymore.

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From the Right Mind of AVAIYA Founder, iKE ALLEN

UNCOVERING THE TRUE YOU ~ By Carrie Triffet

Access your deepest peace and wisdom by exposing the false “I” self

The true you is your absolute best self. This true self of yours is strong, wise, peaceful and infinite. Most of us are rarely able to get in touch with this true self—beyond a glimpse now and then—because our personality-self covers it over like a heavy blanket. A scratchy, smelly blanket that could stand a bit of washing.

 

This personality-self is not who you really are. Yes, I know it feels like your personality-self is really you, but that’s not the case.  The personality-self is nothing more than a dense, complex web of thoughts, beliefs, opinions, cultural conditioning, past memories and future projections, woven tightly together. This hodgepodge of influences and ideas forms our concept of “I” or “me.”

 

We all do it; we all form a self-image based entirely on mental stuff. I think of myself—of “Carrie”—as someone who loves dark chocolate and hates the 24-hour news channels. I’m a writer. I’m an American. A graphic designer. A spiritual seeker. And yet, I’m none of these things. Not really.

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It’s easy to mistake this tangled-up web of mental stuff for our real self. Each of us tends to grasp onto this false “I” self, convinced that it’s who we are. Because we clutch this personality-self so tightly, it seems as if it’s permanently bonded onto our real self, like skin on a body. Yet that’s not really true. We can easily start to loosen the grip of the “I” self if we want to. And this loosening can help us access the true self that’s waiting patiently beneath the blanket.

 

It’s possible to tap into that highest, best self anytime, and it takes no special communication skills to do it. But first, we have to reduce the overbearing mental chatter of the “I”. We have to weaken the hypnotic force of that personality-self, so that we can hear the quiet wisdom of our true self.

 

How? By learning to become the observer of our thoughts. Becoming the observer does some wonderful things for us; for example, stepping back to observe our own thoughts automatically brings us into the present moment. And if we’re inhabiting the present moment, it means we’re not busy weaving more past or future threads into that nasty old “I” blanket.

 

This exercise is not a meditation; we’re not trying to empty our mind of thought. Just let thoughts pop into your mind as they will. And when a thought arises, take the time to observe it. This simple act is a very powerful practice.

 

Our default programming is that we believe our thoughts are true, and we believe our thoughts make up who we are. This ongoing belief is what keeps the dense blanket of the personality-self alive and powerful.  By standing back to observe each thought, we give ourselves the opportunity to examine that thought with a fresh eye, and ask: Do I believe this thought? Is it really who I am?

 

• • •

 

Try this experiment for a few days, if it interests you: Subject each one of your thoughts to this statement: This thought is not me.

 

No thought is exempt. All thoughts, no matter how holy, how neutral or downright disgusting they may seem to be, are fair game for this exercise. As you observe a thought and silently remind yourself that this thought is not you, do your best to detach all belief from the thought.

 

And that’s the whole practice. Simple, right? Remind yourself the thought is not you, and then detach from the thought. You may not notice much difference at first. But if you keep it up, soon you’ll start to realize that as you detach, the thought instantly loses its meaning. The complex backstory you’ve woven around the thought begins to fall away. And as the story drifts away, you’ll see that all judgment associated with the thought drifts away too. And when judgment and story have gone, the thought contains nothing to anchor it in your mind, so it drifts away as well.

 

And you’ll be able to feel the knotted threads of your personal “I” blanket loosening and detangling. The blanket, which formerly seemed attached as tightly as skin, now starts to become unbonded from the real you. A gap starts to form between the two.

 

This gap is a thought-free zone. Cherish this gap; strengthen it by hanging out there as often as you like, for as long as you can manage. And from the quietness of this gap, you’ll find it so much easier to access the infinite gift of loving wisdom and gentle peace that the real you is patiently waiting to share with you.

 

Go there anytime. All the time, twenty-four/seven. Your true self is waiting.

 

 

© Copyright 2013 Carrie Triffet

The Miracle of Kindness with Pauline Edward

Painfully shy and not wanting to attract attention, I did as I was told and fared well in school. But my introspective nature kept me from connecting with my classmates.

For the first six years of my life, we lived in a house built for the employees of the aluminum company for which my dad worked. My mother was the consummate homemaker. I had my own room, toys to play with, and clothes for all seasons and home cooked meals. It was a simple existence for a small-town family in the peaceful mid-fifties, the perfect beginning for a happy and uncomplicated life. Which might have been the case, except for the persistent divine discontent that caused me to search for answers to the unanswerable. Raised Catholic, I learned that God was the boss, all knowing and ever present. If you messed up, you’d end up in hell; I desperately wanted to go to heaven. This bleak metaphysics might have washed right over me, as it had with most of my peers, had it not been for my fascination with Jesus, God’s very special son. But I had many questions. I wanted to know why we were here, and, if God was our Father, why had He abandoned us. Why couldn’t we have simply stayed in heaven? Why could I not see or hear God like Jesus had? Why did He make this world? Why did He create a world in which people suffered? How could he allow his favorite son to suffer and die? Why was the Catholic Church the one and only Church?

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In my early teens, I discovered books, in particular, the stories of spiritual seekers. Books became my best friends. Edgar Cayce in particular opened up a world of possibilities, resonating with truths that lay deeply buried, also igniting my interest in astrology. Intrigued by Cayce’s predictions on geological events, I enrolled in college in Pure and Applied Sciences. Somehow, I thought that physics and metaphysics were related. It wasn’t long before I learned that academia was not for me. To add to my distress, I developed a severe case of acne and suffered paralyzing migraines. Slowly, darkness swallowed up the light in my soul, and I slipped into a profound depression. On my way home from school at night, I’d stand just beyond the safety line of the subway platform, wondering what it would be like to fall in as a train arrived at full speed. My life barely begun, I was ready to leave this world. Yet there remained a tiny ray of hope, and I held on.

 

For my physical healing, I turned to alternative therapies; for my soul’s healing, I discovered Transcendental Meditation. I read the works of Ramana Maharshi, Yogananda and others who bridged the gap between Eastern and Western spiritualities. Returning to my Catholic roots, I read Thomas Merton. Had I been a boy, I would probably have followed in Merton’s footsteps and joined a monastery. At twenty-two, in search of my life purpose, I visited a palmist. Ghanshyam understood my feelings of loneliness and isolation. He encouraged me to study astrology and invited me to study palmistry with him. From the Vedic tradition, Ghanshyam’s faith in the Divine was as uncomplicated as it was unshakable, and he often pointed out my own lack of faith, something I desperately wanted to fix. Spiritual seekers had the gift of profound faith, something that I had not been able to find in myself.

After three difficult years, I gave up on college and found an office job. My health issues gradually cleared up, and I started to feel better about myself. In my continued search for truth, I joined a school of mind training. This path was more accessible for someone of little faith like me, with an approach that was focused on mindfulness and Zen-like discipline. I had a job, a spiritual path that suited my style and then, I met Mike. Things were looking up. I would have a home, a family and someone with whom to share the spiritual journey. For the first few years of our marriage, I was content to be a mother to my beautiful daughters. But the shadows soon resurfaced. It was a losing battle. When difficulties emerged in my marriage, I consulted my spiritual mentor for advice. I was shocked to learn that I would be helped, but in exchange for sexual favors.

 

Eight years into my marriage, I met a shaman. It was infatuation at its most intense. Divorce followed, and a new life with Arthur began. He taught me much about astrology and his unique brand of shamanism. His approach was decadently hedonistic and self-serving, and very anti-Christian. Though for a while I was intrigued, it soon began to feel wrong. There was something missing in this form of spirituality – it was Godless. The end of my relationship with Arthur marked a significant pause in my quest for spiritual fulfillment.

 

In my forties, I focused on the business of life. To build my astrology practice, I adopted a philosophy of life that was practical and down-to-earth. God and Jesus were replaced by impersonal concepts such as the universe, the power of mind and energy. I gave up the spiritual quest and became an entrepreneur. But I was unable to keep the fires of the quest buried forever. A decade later, I became overwhelmed by a profound urge to make peace with God. The meaninglessness of a life lived without spirit caught up with me.

 

Once again, feeling the pull of darkness, I hit the books. But this time, nothing satisfied my need for truth. On occasion, I had been inspired to reach for a book with a navy blue cover, only to realize that it was not the one I needed. The book on my shelf was navy blue, with silver lettering, a book on healing. The one I was urged to read had gold lettering. When I came across a reference to A Course in Miracles, I immediately recognized it as the book I was being guided to read. When I received my copy, I eagerly began to read it. But this text was not for me. It was written in a far too sophisticated style. I set it aside. Shortly thereafter, I received an e-mail promoting a new book called The Disappearance of the Universe (DU) by Gary R. Renard. It was subtitled Straight Talk about Illusions, Past Lives, Religion, Sex, Politics, and the Miracles of Forgiveness. My immediate reaction was “Oh no, not another channeled work.” But there was a reference to A Course in Miracles, and, despite my misgivings, I ordered a copy. DU was the “ACIM for Dummies” I needed to get started on my new path. The vast library of workshops by Kenneth Wapnick became my school. I studied A Course in Miracles with a fierceness I had never before experienced. Although at first I didn’t understand much of what I was reading, a part of me sensed that it would bring me the experience of peace I desperately sought, and so I persevered. Jesus became my new teacher. As I started to apply its message of forgiveness, old wounds began to heal. Long unanswered questions were answered. Excited about having finally found the truth, I continued to deepen my understanding of its message.

But after nearly four years of intensive study, to my profound disappointment, instead of experiencing a greater sense of peace, the old shadow of doubt returned with a vengeance. I began to question the message of the Course and to doubt its teacher. Darkness grew very intense as I realized that if this teaching were not true, then there really was no hope. If that were so, then there was nothing left to live for. The emptiness I had felt in my childhood returned to swallow me completely. I grew desperate for a sign. I felt like a child. I needed proof.

 

One day, following yoga practice, I grabbed the tattered old bedspread I used to curl up in when I watched television and quickly threw it over myself, but it was lighter than I expected, and it landed over my head. I snuggled into the soft cotton folds, and, closing my eyes, took a couple of deep breaths. With my mind calm and clear, as was my custom after yoga, I sat quietly, peacefully. In one silent instant, I sensed that I was no longer in my basement yoga room. Nor was I in my body. I was a young girl, clutching a dusty shawl about myself, hiding behind a group of men who were having an animated discussion by the roadside. I craned my neck to catch a glimpse of the man who stood just beyond them talking to passersby. Jesus, they called him. I was fascinated by the man and wanted to follow him with the others, but my brother had ordered me to return home. This was not the place for a girl, he said. But I was small, and well hidden, and as I watched, the man turned and spotted me where I was certain no one could see me. He smiled, and, for one transcendent moment, I knew that the waiting had not been in vain, for, in that briefest of moments, I knew that I had seen the Face of Love. Be kind, he said without words. Be kind. The experience of love in that one single moment was so overwhelming that I doubled over on my yoga mat in child’s pose and wept. His gaze held a kindness filled with the purest love I had ever seen and I understood that this was my answer.

 

Be kind to others, but above all, be kind to yourself.

 

As I wept some more, I felt the lifting of huge burdens and soon I was overcome by a profound sense of peace. Gone were the questions and the uncertainty. At that moment, I knew that I would never again travel alone; I knew that I would never again doubt.

My experience of A Course in Miracles has given me a profound sense of peace that comes with knowing that, in truth, we are as God created us, and we have never left our heavenly home. Our experience here in bodies is a temporary condition, the result of our belief in the dream. I live my life very much in the present moment, mindful of my thoughts and perceptions, ready to practice the forgiveness process that is at the heart of the Course’s thought system. To forgive is to look beyond our interpretations of our perceptions. What I see outside is a picture of what lies deeply buried within. As I forgive what I see outside, I also forgive the mistaken thoughts I have about myself. Whenever a concern arises, I call on my teacher, and I know with absolute certainty that I will be inspired as to the best way to forgive. This practice is what will allow me to gently awaken from my worldly dream and return to my heavenly home. It is a simple process and one that is guaranteed to bring an experience of peace. In being an example of this different way of looking at the world, I am an instrument of the love and the peace that we all share. There is no peace except the peace of God.

Pauline Edward, author of Making Peace with God: The Journey of A Course in Miracles Student, is an astrologer-numerologist, author and speaker, living in Quebec, Canada. Founder of A Time for Success, a consulting business specializing in Trends, Cycles, and Lifestyle Planning, Pauline offers counseling, coaching and workshops for individuals and businesses worldwide.

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From the Right Mind of AVAIYA Founder, iKE ALLEN

 

THE SECRET POWER OF PRESENCE   ~ By Carrie Triffet

Each of us comes into this world equipped with a thinking mind — an incessantly chattering internal voice that provides us with a constant, ongoing play-by-play. It never shuts up. It’s with us always.  And most of us mistake this thinking mind for who we really are.

Thinking minds are useful tools, handy for getting around in the world. But we don’t actually need them most of the time. And generally speaking, they do a lot more harm than good. Anytime you feel pain, (or fear, or rage, or guilt, or shame, or despair, or even just boredom) you have your thinking mind to thank for it.

Here’s another interesting thing about the thinking mind: It’s never satisfied right now, in this current moment. If you look at it closely, you’ll see this is true. Even when you’re at your most satisfied, you’ll notice that your thoughts are automatically pushing you to chase after something better still, in order to be really happy. Like this satisfaction you feel right now doesn’t actually count. If I only had…[fill in the blank]… more money, more success, the respect of my peers, a nicer house, a better car…THEN I’d be happy. If I only had true love, someone to stick by me no matter what, then I’d be happy.

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But the truth is, nothing and nobody can complete us or make us happy. That’s an inside job. So if we’re incredibly lucky in life, we acquire some, or most, or all of the things our ego mind says will make us happy – and then we discover it’s all a lie. We feel the same empty way inside that we felt beforehand.

Some of us realize this and say, well then, I’ll put myself on a spiritual path; I’ll clean up my insides. And that will make me happy. And a handful of us go even farther and say, I’m going to seek enlightenment. Because once I’m enlightened, THEN I’ll be happy.

Do you see the crafty way the ego mind is working here? It’ll do or say anything to keep you future-focused in your search for peace and fulfillment. Why is that? It’s because the present moment, right here right now, IS the jackpot.

And by ‘the present moment,’ I mean THIS present moment. This mundane, un-special, unfulfilling, imperfect moment in time. As it turns out, all transformation, all healing, all forgiveness and all atonement take place only when we sink into the present moment without resistance, and accept it exactly as it is. And all authentic joy and peace comes as a result of that.

But the thinking (ego) mind can’t hang out in the present moment, because the present is real, but the ego is not. And when we’re authentically inhabiting the present moment, it instantly becomes clear that the ego mind is nothing but a strange sort of unnecessary hitchhiker — a bit of extra software that our minds could easily do without.

So it’s a self-preservation thing, really. Your ego doesn’t want you to realize how easy it is to find lasting happiness and peace, because then it would be out of a job.

But here’s the thing. You don’t need your ego’s permission. In fact, you don’t need anything beyond what you’ve already got. You don’t have to search the world for the right present moment, or apprentice yourself to the right Eastern guru in order to find presence. (Although you can bet your ass that the guru will find it for you and make you stay in it until you recognize it as yours.)

But really. We all have a relatively abundant supply of present moments, and they’re right here, right now. And if you miss this one, no worries – the next one is coming up right behind it. And it’s free. And it’s wherever you are right now. This is liberation, and it’s equally available to everybody.

It’s so simple. Difficult as hell (until it isn’t) — but then, who knows, maybe one day you find yourself actually present within a certain number of your own present moments — instead of pushing them away, instead of letting your ego mind run the show. And that’s when the unstoppable peace, and joy, and fulfillment start welling up, little by little, from within.

Jackpot.

That magnificent peace and joy are here with you right now, and they’re with you always. Total fulfillment and happiness are hallmarks of who you really are. They’re your birthright.  It’s only the ego mind that blocks you from feeling any of it.

Whenever we decide to show up and be present in our own lives, we get a taste of what REAL freedom feels like. So isn’t it about time you took your lasting happiness into your own hands?

 

~ Carrie Triffet, author of Long Time No See, and The Enlightenment Project

 

© Carrie Triffet 2013

The Ego is a Course term for a thought system. I think it’s important to understand that even though the Course talks about the Ego as if it were a thing – in fact, at one place in Chapter 4 of the Text, Jesus basically apologizes for talking about the Ego as if it were a separate thing, almost like the Devil, even though the Course doesn’t believe in the Devil. But the Ego is not a thing, the Ego really is a decision-maker’s decision to embrace a thought system of separation and individuality and guilt and attack. So the Ego is really not an entity in and of itself. The Ego is simply a thought that we have made real by virtue of our belief in it. That really is important to understand. The Ego itself is absolutely nothing, which means that Ego should not be fought against, it should not be, one should not seek to offer comment, one should not struggle with it, one should not be afraid of it, one should not be guilty over it. Because once you have one of those feelings or any other feeling, you are making it real and giving it a power that it doesn’t have.

The Ego, once again, is nothing more than our belief in it. And the “our” that believes in it is the decision-making part of our Mind that wants to be on its own, wants to be independent, autonomous and be totally separated from God and his love – that’s what the Ego is. And this is extremely important in terms of how one practices the Course. There’s a very important line that says, “Into eternity where all is One, there crept a tiny mad idea at which the Son of God remembered not to laugh.” What that makes clear is that the problem was not the tiny mad idea, and then by extrapolation, not any of the fragmentary shadows, namely our perception of the Universe, of that tiny mad idea; the problem is that we took it seriously. That’s what it means to “remember not to laugh.” By taking it seriously, we said, “This is real, and is a problem and we have to do something about it.” That’s exactly what the Ego does, that’s exactly what most formal religions do, and unfortunately, it’s actually what most spiritualities have done. They make the thought system of the Ego real no matter how they conceptualize it and then they have a plan to kind of deal with it. What makes the Course different is that it says the Ego is never the problem. How could what doesn’t exist, what never happened, be a problem? The problem is that we took it seriously. We remembered not to laugh at it.

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What this means in terms of our practical living, our everyday life, is that we become aware when we choose the Ego by recognizing when we’re disquiet, when we’re upset, when we’re not totally at Peace, when we exclude certain members of the Sonship from our love and our forgiveness. And when we become aware of that – not to be upset, not to feel guilty over having done this, but recognize what we have chosen, what the consequences of that choice are, namely that I will not be happy and I will not be peaceful, and that’s what will motivate me to choose again. If I get upset because I’ve chosen the Ego, I’ve made the Ego real. And then I will never let it go; I’ll struggle against it and struggle against it and struggle against it. So this should not be taken seriously as the problem. It should point the direction to the problem. And again, the direction that it’s pointing to, which is what the role of the Miracle is, which again, is why this is called A Course in Miracles, is to tell us the problem is not the dream, not the Ego thought system, either as it’s expressed in the world or in our Mind, the problem is that our decision-making Mind chose to believe in it. And because we chose to believe in it, we can now choose not to believe in it, and to choose the Right-Minded thought system of correction. So again, the Ego is literally nothing; in fact, in the Classification of Terms, which is like an Appendix to the Teacher’s Manual, it says, “What is the Ego?” – and it says, “Nothing.” “Where is the Ego?” – “Nowhere.” So again, the problem is not the Ego or its thought system, the problem is our belief in it.

From the Right Mind of AVAIYA Founder, iKE ALLEN

 

Divine intervention is the proof of forgiveness. The universe, spirit, verifies that we have opened our own door to forgiving ourselves by deleting the painful experience we were about to have and replacing it with something that we might call “the answer to a prayer.”  How does this happen? How do we get divine intervention to work for us when the chips are down?

There is so much talk about quantum physics, parallel realities, all time being simultaneous time, and miracles rearranging time and space for their own benefit, that we are beginning to catch on to the idea that life bears no resemblance to what our parents and teachers told us it was about. It certainly is not about getting an education so we can “get ahead in life” or “watching out for old number one.” To add to the disparity between what appears to be real and what reality may actually be, physicists today tell us that time is not linear, we can go backwards or forwards in time, or experience all time simultaneously.

We might say life is karma yoga. If there is any such thing as karma, and that would assume that time is linear, one life being lived after another, then the old testament tells us that the path of the un-awakened seeker is “an eye for an eye,” another way of saying we learn by experiencing the effects of our own unskilled behavior. We have the tables turned on us. For most of us this means we are in big trouble. If we have to pay for every mistake one at a time, this could be an infinite and very painful journey through life. We find ourselves facing one no win situation after another. We believe our selves to be victims of people, the economy, and society.

As we continue to seek for answers we read about persons who seemed to be able to demonstrate that it is not necessary to be victimized. Indeed they make outrageous statements such as “ask and you shall receive” and “in my defenselessness my safety lies.” Very much a different view of life than the one the authority figures gave us growing up.

OK, let’s assume there are no situations which can’t be healed. How do I bring the healing of the situation into my life? Depends on which workshop you just attended I guess. Do you have the right prayer for this situation? Can you process your unreleased grievances?

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No master teacher ever mentioned the past behavior or the karmic lessons of the person they were healing at the moment. They just ask, “Do you believe I can do this?” If the answer was yes then the healing took place. If the answer was no, then they were sent on their way with the blessings of the teacher.

And all master teachers have agreed that forgiveness (a shift in thought and emotion) is the key to healing and to awakening. We don’t like to hear that because it is extremely difficult to forgive someone who has done irrefutable harm to us or to our loved ones.

There are many books on forgiveness that assume that the action to be forgiven really happened and the harm really took place. I am reminded of Neil Armstrong’s statement when he stepped onto the surface of the moon. “That’s one small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind.” It is time for the giant leap in consciousness.

Brace yourself because what I am about to say does not fit the model of reality which we were handed when we grew up.

There is only one of us in the human race. No one has ever done anything to someone else. There are no victims. Life is a motion picture and no actors have ever been harmed during the filming of the massacre scene. It is all karma yoga until it isn’t. If all time is simultaneous time then by thinking a loving thought in the present moment we transform all of our past and all of our future into love.

Pragmatically speaking what do I do when I am between a rock and a hard place? Surrender! The intellect has no answers. All correction belongs to spirit. It’s not your job to fix your problems.

In retrospect, examining my personal experience, I see that the universe stepped in and bailed me out of deep-water dozens of times that I recognized, and probably thousands of times that I didn’t recognize. However spirit was able to step in only after my intellect understood it did not have the ability to fix my problem. I had to release my grievances. Surrender is forgiveness.

When I barely graduated from college with a low grade point average I wasn’t sure I would get a job, certainly not a dream job. I was OK with that. I surrendered to what would be. I walked past a sign on the street that said “Job Fair.” I went in with no expectations.  An airline had a booth and I thought, “I like airplanes,” so I stepped up and talked to a nice looking fellow with the smiley face button. I talked to him about what I liked, he asked me a few questions, and he said, “You’re hired.” My dream job was mine. I didn’t have my college transcript with me so he didn’t know about my grades. A miracle? No… just normal divine intervention.

Several years later I decided to go into business for myself, in spite of having a dream that showed me running a red light. The business was a disaster. I lost my health, my business, my house, my marriage, and was at the end of my rope. Sitting on my sofa (which now belonged to the bank) one night at 2 am I asked whoever might be hearing what was going on in my head for permission to kill myself. Twice in my life I have heard an audible voice, not just in my head, but as if someone was in the room with me. This voice gently said, “Not allowed.” Damn! Now what? No way out. I just collapsed in surrender. I was awakened at 8 am by the phone ringing. It was Carol Parrish, a spiritual teacher whom I knew. She said, “Spirit just told me to call you and offer you a scholarship to the retreat which begins tomorrow.” The retreat was being held at a resort on a lake nearby. I had no money so I thought I will just sleep in my car and maybe someone will buy me lunch. As I walked into the lobby of the lodge I heard my name on the PA system. I went to the desk and was told that someone had paid for my room and board. At the retreat an astrologer gave me a free reading letting me know that all was not lost and my future was bright. How many divine interventions took place in the space of three days?

Divine intervention needs a crack through which it can work its way into our lives. What is the crack? Forgiveness. Letting go of grievances. Surrender. Surrender is the state of releasing the belief that you have answers for your own life. When life has backed you in a corner and beaten you severely about the head and shoulders and there is no hope, surrender is the only option. However, we have the choice to surrender before it gets that bad. When we surrender, we forget about our grievances, we forget about the power of our separated minds, that is to say, we are in a state of total forgiveness of ourselves and of others. There is no room for blame. That is where the answers lie. That is the space in which spirit does the driving.

Paxton Robey is the author of No Time for Karma. He feels that A Course in Miracles is a ‘short cut’ path to awakening for many people in today’s world.

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From the Right Mind of AVAIYA Founder, iKE ALLEN

 

Light Workers
By Paxton Robey

Hello Light Workers,
Each and every one of us is here on planet earth on schedule, just as we planned, to do two jobs.
Our first job is to complete the healing of our self after having been on this path for a thousand lifetimes or so. This is the lifetime in which it all can come to completion. This is the lifetime of awakening. When you complete your personal healing you will have made the same healing available to every other being, animal, plant, and Gaia herself. Everything which is in the telepathic pool will benefit from your awakening. Everything in this universe is within the same telepathic pool of energy.
Our second job is to ensure the SHIFT occurs on earth in the most peaceful and expedient manner possible. You do not have to have completed your own awakening in order to be instrumental in the planetary shift. You are an old soul who knows how to pray and meditate. Prayer and meditation are forms of telepathic communication. Telepathic communication has been taught by every master and mystic throughout history. Consciousness creates reality. Consciousness is the only thing that creates reality.
These are not the same old “normal” times which the earth has experienced the last 100 million years. This is the end of the “dark age”, the kali yuga as the Buddhists say. It is the birth time for the Aquarian Age, the age of peace, the age of love. Nothing can stop the birth of this new age and it won’t happen unless each of us is on board, on the construction crew for our new home. This is no longer mythology or Pollyanna new age rhetoric. It is time to believe the words we have been saying most of our lives.
This shift has already begun to pick up speed. From year 2012 through 2017 changes are taking place quickly, astonishingly fast. These changes include shifts in belief systems, in world view, in humanity’s relationship with humanity, which will be hard to believe and accept unless we prepare our minds.
By the end of year 2032 this planet will hardly remember war, economics, and us versus them scenarios. This will be within the present life for most of us. This will be our gift to our children and grandchildren. The time is now. This is not a good idea or fantasy, it is happening.

Can you imagine struggle, pain, poverty, and disillusionment in god’s creation? Absolutely not!
For the next five years, through 2017, there will be struggles for those who aren’t agreeing to change. We are used to struggles of all types, personal relationships, job related, economic, and planetary issues like pollution, rain forests, hurricanes, and global warming. For some these types of struggles will intensify. For some they will lesson and some fall away completely. What is the difference? Who decides which camp we are in?
All decisions are personal. Consciousness creates reality. Nothing is ever imposed on anyone. For those who guide their consciousness closer to the mystical, the divine, the spiritual, life will soon be more ecstatic than we could have wished for. For those who focus on personal gain without the thought of sharing and helping, life will get increasingly sticky.
You are on a good path.
Take the wraps off of your ability to believe in only the best, most loving outcomes.
Trust the universe, god, your spirit guides, angels, or any term you like, to the extent that you will dare to release all, 100%, of your fears. Your friends in the spirit realm have your back. You are safe. You have no choice here. It is the father’s good pleasure to give you the kingdom of heaven. You can’t earn it. You can’t work for it. You can’t buy it. It is free when you let go of fear and accept how much you are loved by all that is. Holding on to fear is a belief in our littleness, and it is the only thing that keeps us out of heaven now. Experience total heaven and share it with everyone.
All situations which we have judged bad for millions of years exist only as teaching experiences for the karmically oriented beings who have yet to open their inner vision. Karma is the most expedient form of instruction for those who know no other way.
We cannot fix or correct those who appear to be on the “other” path. As the Course says, “All correction belongs to Holy Spirit”. This means healing comes from the spirit realm, the realm of the whole of spirit. Our egos interfere with our attempts to “heal” our friends and families through words and deeds. Turn them over, consciously, to the spirit realm, or to your favorite angel or master.
In healing our self we learn about “zen mind, no mind”. The logical mind has no answers. The logical mind has NO answers. The LOGICAL MIND has no answers. This is a spiritual universe. Consciousness creates the totality of reality, visible and invisible. You are the agent of god – create heaven on earth. Judge nothing, absolutely nothing, nada, nichts. Have no interest in how evil manifests. See only love for that is what you are.
The universe in which we live is wholly focused on this earth of ours right now. Eyes from a billion light years away are on us now. We are not isolated or separate. Every atom, every planet, every star, is alive. Everything is made of god. God is the only thing that exists. Everything that is alive responds to prayer and meditation, to consciousness. The universe is praying for you, agent of god, to be successful in your mission as a light worker on earth. The Prime Directive states that to be of great assistance to any civilization in this universe one must incarnate into that civilization. That is why you are not sitting on a throne somewhere waving your magic wand and saying “earth be healed”. You came because you are love and you love earth and her family.
The 2012 energy has made all thing possible now. Attempts at healing which had a 1% chance of being successful 50 years ago now have a 99% chance of working for any who have an attitude of acceptance and caring. Out picturing, manifesting, our divine gifts and abilities is normal now. You are psychic. You can heal when you release the “other” into the hands of spirit. You will soon be levitating and talking to the orbs. You are unlimited. This requires a shift in our belief system. We used to believe that if we saw our self as a magic worker or healer we were just setting our self up for failure. It will take a little practice to get over that one.
Seek ye first the kingdom of god and all the gifts will be added unto you.
Listen to all your favorite spiritual teachers once again or read their books again. Guaranteed, it will all be new this time, as if you didn’t even hear it the first time. Come back here next week and read this again. Feel the shift in YOUR understanding.
It’s simple. Release all fear. Know you are unlimited here and now. Judge not. Continuously ask for help. Know you ARE the heart of God.
The time is now!
There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than you’ve even dreamed of. (Hamlet)

Learn more about Paxton HERE. 

One question often asked by students of A Course in Miracles is, “Why don’t our closest relationships seem to work?”  The answer is simply this: because we don’t want them to work; because if we wanted them to work, then they would work. And we don’t want them to work because that proves that we’re right and God is wrong, and herein lies the story; that if God is right, then we don’t exist. If God is right, there is no world; there is no individuality, there’s no separation, there’s no Body and there’s no I. And so, rather than give up the very special attachment we have to ourselves, we’re hell-bent, literally, on proving God is wrong. And so what better way to prove God is wrong than that nothing in this world works, and it’s all his fault. And so we begin and we end with relationships. That’s why they don’t work, because if we wanted them to work, they would work.

 

The purpose of relationships is two-fold. It depends which self we’re choosing, or as the Course would say, which Mind we’re choosing, the Wrong Mind or the Right Mind. If we choose the Ego, which is the teacher of our Wrong Mind and thought system, then the purpose of relationships is to fail. The purpose of relationships is to prove that we’re right and the other person’s wrong. The purpose of relationships is to solidify, I believe, in the reality of guilt, but that the guilt does not lie within us, the guilt lies in someone else.

 

The Course actually talks about two kinds of relationships: special love relationships and special hate relationships. The purpose of special hate relationships, quite clearly, it’s to say someone else has done me in, someone else has victimized me and I am the victim of somebody else’s abuse, victimization, insensitivity, unkindness, betrayal, abandonment, etc., and all my suffering is due to what this terrible person has done to me. And so, following my Ego, I would seek after people who will take advantage of me, who will abuse me, misuse me and basically treat me unfairly. And as an underlying agenda that we all have for this, if someone else is a sinner, and I’m sinned against, if someone else is a victimizer and I’m the victim, then that means a two-fold thing has been accomplished. It solidifies the fact that “I” exist, I’m a real individual, I have a history, I have a whole set of experiences that make me who I am, but, most importantly of all – it is not my fault. And so, as A Course in Miracles would teach us, this allows me to have my Ego’s cake and to enjoy it. I have my Ego’s cake of separation: that means I separated from God and that’s an accomplished fact – but it is not my fault. Someone else did it to me, which means that person will be punished instead of me. That whole series of relationships is what the Course calls special hate relationships.

 

Then there are the more subtle special hate relationships that go under the guise of special love. These are the people we think we love. These are the people we think care about us, and whom we care about. These are the people that we’re dependent on. These are the people that we say, “Without you, my life would be meaningless. Without you, my life would be trivial. Without you, I would be unloved. Without you, I’d have a terrible image of myself. Without you, I would not even be born,” and so on. Our original special love relationship is with our parents. And so these relationships are set up to also reinforce separation. And very cleverly what we will do is, we set a trap, and we all draw a line in the sand. And it doesn’t matter whether that line is crossed in one day, one week, one year, or ten years or ten decades. At some point our special love relationship will fail. And then we say those famous lines, “Because of what you’ve done, I’m terrible,” and “What happened to you? You used to be such a kind, loving, sensitive, thoughtful person and now you’ve changed and I’m suffering because of you.” And so in an instant, that special love has turned into special hate.

 

And so the purpose of all relationships, again from the Ego’s point of view, is to sustain our individual and special and unique identity, and blame somebody else for it. That allows us to keep our self but not to be punished. On the other hand, the Holy Spirit or Jesus, which are the two names the Course uses for our Inner Teacher, their purpose for our relationships is to learn and practice forgiveness. And the essence of forgiveness, from A Course in Miracles’ point of view, is that, no matter what you have done to me, no matter how unkind, no matter how attacking, insulting, abusive you have been, you are not responsible for my not feeling good about myself. In other words, your body may have power to take advantage and abuse and hurt my body, but you cannot affect my Mind. Only I have power over my Mind and if I don’t experience the Love and the Peace of God, it’s not your fault. No matter what you have done, it is not your fault. If I do not experience the Love and the Peace of God, it’s because I have thrown that Love and that Peace away – judging them as not nearly as important to me or as valuable as my own sense of personal identity. Rather than accept responsibility for this decision, I project it onto you and I say “You’ve done this to me.” One of the famous lines in the Course, in terms of its definition of forgiveness, is that we forgive someone for what he or she has not done to us, not what they have done to us. So again, whatever they’ve done to our bodies, our physical, psychological self, they are not responsible for the lack of Peace in our minds. And so we forgive them for not having done that to us. Without that understanding, forgiveness in this world is impossible.

 

One of the points here is to recognize why this is so difficult. It’s so difficult because we have such a strong investment in being right and making the other person wrong. This can’t be said often enough: that if I let you off the hook, that means I am responsible for everything that I have experienced, am experiencing and will yet experience in my life. And that makes me totally responsible. And so our Ego tells us that if God ever finds out who the real sinner is, and I’m afraid that it would be me, I would be the one who would be punished. And to avoid that inevitable punishment, we continue to project onto other people and want other people to treat us this way. That’s what makes forgiveness so difficult and that’s what makes the Course so unique as a spiritual path. It doesn’t focus on Love, it doesn’t focus on Truth; it doesn’t focus on forgiveness in the usual sense of the word. It really focuses on the resistance we have to accepting the Love, and if we don’t let go of the resistance, nothing we do, no matter how many times we started the Course or any other spirituality, we will inevitably fail.

 

What the Course says is, “Unveil for us our secret wish to be unfairly treated.” There’s a line in A Course in Miracles that says, “Beware of the temptation to perceive yourself unfairly treated.” And that is a problem. We want to be unfairly treated. This does not make me responsible for another’s Ego; so if you abuse me, if you hurt me, if you steal from me, if you kill me, I’m not responsible for what you’ve done. But I am responsible for how I feel about what you’ve done. And I am responsible for my secret wish that, once again, I do be abused and I would be unfairly treated. Because in that moment when that happens, I’m off the hook – and someone else will be punished instead of me.

From the Right Mind of AVAIYA Founder, iKE ALLEN

 

The day we met, the first thing I observed was his stillness.

I noticed the young man sitting, lotus style, near the edge of the narrow pathway left open for pedestrians and, evidently, for those interested in meditating. The quiet stillness pulled me toward him, but his closed eyes told me to walk on by. I didn’t want to disturb the peace surrounding him, although I did want to experience the joy. I suppose I could have sat in the middle of the street myself; it was, after all, an amazingly beautiful morning. But that thought never occurred to me. I wanted to connect with him, and conversation seemed to be part of my desire.

I passed by the man in orange pants and headed to the other side of the square where my beach cruiser remained locked to the bus shelter. As I placed the key in the lock and reached for my helmet, I managed a quick study from afar. Unable to determine if a young woman standing next to him was speaking to him or not, I moved slowly, trying not to be obvious.

Returning through the walkway with bike in hand, I timed my approach to the best possible moment. The woman had left and he was sitting alone in the mid-day sun, eyes wide open. I stopped briefly, to say something about how nice it was to be able to sit in the middle of the street without cars honking at you to move. He didn’t say much. Feeling a bit shy and wanting to honor his peacefulness, I must have said something like “Enjoy the rest of your time here,” before continuing on my way.

As I turned away to head down Main Street, he reached me with his voice….

“Who are you?”

This moment, seemingly insignificant by itself, opened the door before me, a door I hadn’t even known to be shut. I hesitated only briefly, happy the connection lingered. My smile undoubtedly captured the pleasure I felt inside.

“That’s a big question,” I said. “What part of ‘Who are you?’ do you want to know? Can you be more specific?”

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“Who are you that you stop to talk to a stranger sitting in the middle of the street?”

I wondered how to explain myself in a sentence or two. “Well, that’s the part of me that wants to connect with other people who inhabit this earth. I enjoy making connections with other people.”

That was the beginning of a long conversation, at the edge of Friendship Square in Moscow, Idaho. He told me he was looking for something but wasn’t sure what it was:  “I feel like a beggar holding out my cup, waiting for a coin to drop in.” We talked about many things; he was inquisitive and his questions intrigued me.

“So you don’t know what you’re looking for?” I asked.

“No, otherwise I’d ask for it,” he claimed.

“You can ask the universe anyway,” I reminded him, “without knowing specifically what you’re looking for.”

As I said good-bye that day, I felt an elevated sense of joy that stayed with me the whole week. I don’t recall thinking about him again until a coffee shop conversation with a friend the following Friday. Somewhere in the conversation, I shared the story with her. I ended with, “As far as I know, he was some transient, ready to head out of town on the next bus. I doubt I’ll ever see him again.”

It turned out my friend knew him; he lived in town, was recently divorced, and had three small children. I, on the other hand, had already raised my three children and was married to the man with whom I thought I was suppose to “grow old.” Four months later, I changed my mind about growing old together. I was inspired to follow another path.

“Every path we take is the right path and the wrong path at the same time.” It was a quote I read at my sister’s memorial service the year before. It seemed so appropriate now. I informed my husband, with whom I had lived for twenty years, that I no longer wanted to be married. My friends and family did not understand.

As I got to know the man I met on the street, we discussed many of the spiritual questions I had contemplated over the years. Raised by parents who scoffed at anything resembling religion or spirituality, I was ecstatic to meet someone with whom I could explore the questions – someone else who wanted to know more than what we were taught in school or home. I learned that the flood gates had opened and the man in orange pants had only recently stopped wearing his Temple garments. That’s when A Course in Miracles (ACIM) discovered him.

All my life I had cruised from one relationship to the next, spending a year or twenty with a partner before knowing I had to leave. In almost every case, I chose to have an affair, a subconscious and easy way to end a relationship. Regardless of the partner, however, something always tugged at me, some unsatisfied part of my soul that was still searching for… for what? I did not know. When my new love gave me my own copy of the Course, I began the daily Workbook for Students. The romances, both with him and with ACIM, blossomed. Eventually, he moved in.

I had never experienced life with such daily ease before. We listened to music, cooked great food, explored the world around us and paid attention to each other – a lot of attention. He wrote songs and performed them, trying out one instrument after another before settling on the guitar. I bought a camera and started photographing. I painted. I wrote. Our creativity flourished; it found a home in the two of us. We had fun breaking all the “rules.”

I was so “happy.”

But all was not well. I noticed from the start that, as much as he enjoyed being with me, his attractions to other women flourished. Something felt slightly familiar. I recognized my own jealousy as a pattern, one I wanted to let go. One of his latest heartthrobs told us that jealousy was simply unrealized creativity. So I focused more on my creativity. And yet, he was the one whose jealousy flared when I spent time with my daughters, even if it was only on the telephone. I started spending less time with them. It seemed odd that he welcomed the attention I gave to his own young children.

The two years we lived together was an extended trip to the amusement park. We experienced all of it:  the Funhouse, Tunnel of Love, Tilt-a-Whirl, Bumper Cars, Dungeon of Doom, Music Express, Ring of Fire, FreeFall, Zipper, and of course, the infamous Roller Coaster. He was my Cotton Candy. And I wanted more. Only I was getting sick and didn’t know how to stop. My ego was in the midst of its biggest ride and wanted it to be a great one.

The ACIM daily lessons grounded me. I started the Course for the second time and held onto it like a lifeline. He moved on from the Course, and though I did not recognize it at the time, began moving on from me the day we met. His inevitable exit from my life came as abruptly as his arrival.

The cord started unraveling more than a year before his final exit. The signs were all there. We purchased our marriage license, a symbol, for us, of trying to hold on. He bought just one wedding ring, meant only for me to wear – made of Palladium, named after an asteroid. He left the church and changed his birth name. I left my job with the theatre company I founded. The funding for his job ran out. I bought a car and we drove across the country, looking for the peace we so desperately wanted. Upon our return, the marriage license went up in flames, a symbol of trying to let go.

I studied the Course with greater care, thinking that all I needed to do was to change my beliefs and all would be well.

When I met him, he was withering away inside, the desert in need of rain. Two and a half years later, he threw his cup to the wind, sprinting jubilantly toward being in love with everything – including the woman who picked him up when he hitchhiked home for Thanksgiving. He never came back – except to load up a truck with his belongings.

After he moved out, I isolated myself, drowning in tears, darkness and despair. I don’t have a memory of the Course during that time, or whether I practiced the lessons with renewed purpose or watched the blue cover collect dust. I simply don’t know.

Interestingly, my father experienced his own version of despair and isolation that same month, in the memory care unit of a nearby nursing home. My mother, his wife for over 60 years, could no longer care for him and moved him to the care facility in desperation. On the surface, it appeared that we had each been abandoned. But as I slowly learned, we in fact, had each been released to further explore the mystery.

I slowly began to experience the true gift of the Course, and thanks to my father, my three daughters, and my grandson, I soon started taking baby steps. My middle daughter was getting married on New Year’s Eve and I knew she deserved more than a messed up Mother on her wedding day. I chose happiness that day and vowed to feel good from then on, no matter what.

Everyone thought of Dad as my aging father with Alzheimer’s, being cared for by the professionals (while they waited for him to die.) Through my visits with him, I discovered something quite different. At first, I perceived that my father had “come to my rescue” and I to his – that we were helping one another to heal our wounds. I began to observe, however, that he was fully alive and remarkably well, and through direct experience, was simply undoing his ego. He soon became my accomplice in helping me with the undoing of my own.

My father had never read the Course. He didn’t need to. He was receiving first-hand information, and I was his observant and willing student. It became clear that we were joining together for a purpose. Each lesson from the Course was revealed to me in greater depth through our daily visits.

Unencumbered by the “past,” my father was now fully living in the present moment, marveling in the beauty and wonder of our world. He seemed pleased that I wanted to join him on his journey.

It was my father who told me about the school – the school located at the Source, the school in which I seem to be currently enrolled. “When you get through with this school,” he said, “… you will quit scorning.” He knew this because he had experienced it. The method the school uses is “de-scribe-tion,” the process of “de-scribing,” a detailed un-writing of your life stories. He told me I would become an historian. At the time, I had no idea it had anything to do with the history of my own life.

I began to experience the world through my father’s eyes, and as I later discovered, he saw, more literally, through my eyes. I continued to study the Course, and it took on new meaning. My guide was an 83-year old man whom I had known my entire life.

One day, when I told my father I wanted to be a Teacher of God, he shook his head, “Oh, shit.” I explained to him that I understood the term “God” had a bad rap and came with a lot of baggage. I told him that what I meant was that I wanted to be a teacher of Oneness. He nodded approvingly, smiled and said, “Now that sounds like a fine idea.”

For months I’d been searching for the “short-cut” that would summarize all that I had been learning, a one-step process to facilitate the journey. The short cut finally revealed itself to me one morning on the end of a teabag. With the “Means” in hand, and after reading the Manual for Teachers, I wrote my “job” description.

This is what I shared with Dad:

Remembering our Oneness

Purpose

• To live joyfully.

Opportunity

• Choose a state of mind that opens us to see from a different perspective.

Means

• Recognize that the other person is you.

Scope of work

• Devote time each day to quiet thought as you awake and before sleep.

• See the light in everyone, and in every circumstance and event.

• Ask only what you really want in every situation.

• Accept full responsibility for the choices you make in life.

• Using positive energy and creativity, share your gifts with the world.

As I read it, Dad was resting on his bed at the nursing home. Before I finished, he gently took the paper from my hands. With sparkling eyes, he studied it as I continued to read over his shoulder. The day before, when I told Dad of my intention to write a job description, I asked if there was anything he suggested I include. “De-scribe-tion” he told me. At the time, I didn’t know what it meant, so I didn’t include it. With the paper in hand, he reminded me once more to include describetion. I have since realized that the un-writing of your life happens naturally, as soon as you are ready.

• De-scribe. By un-writing your stories, your true nature reveals itself.

Each moment with my father was a lesson of love, which is our true nature: lessons of joy, humor, and forgiveness. We enjoyed walking together outside the nursing home, and months later, outside the Adult Family Home where he found freedom living with his new family of care providers.

“Isn’t it amazing?” my father asked me on several of our walks.

“What?” I’d say.

His eyes always lit up as he answered, “Everything!” And we would continue our walk, soaking in every single thing that appeared in our world.

Inside, we loved listening to music. One day, while sitting at the dining table, we listened to Louis Armstrong sing “What a Wonderful World.” Dad loved Louis Armstrong and would often sing or hum along. This day he only listened.

I see trees of green, red roses too

I see them bloom for me and you…

At which point Dad laughed, and said “But there’s only ME.”

Near the end of our time together, Dad introduced me to the depth of the mystery. A year ago my father told me that he would have an illness in a year. It was almost exactly a year to the day.

“I want to know   who    you   are!”

I explore my father’s eyes as he draws me closer. As weak as he is, his grip is surprisingly strong. He doesn’t let go. I know he isn’t referring to the difficulty he has remembering names. He speaks through me, communicating with, whom? His command is clear.

We are the only two people in the Intensive Care Unit, Room 125. Earlier in the evening, I learned Dad has sepsis, a systemic and life-threatening response to infection, and an unexpected challenge that complicates his experience living with Alzheimer’s. Diagnosed over twelve years ago, this was his first year living in a memory care facility. Ten months ago I quit my full-time job as a Food Co-op cashier in order to have the flexibility to spend as much time with Dad as possible. My intention was to spend every day with him.

I don’t know how to answer my father’s request, so I simply say, “I am Pam, your middle daughter. You are my dad.”

His tight grip demands a different answer. “Who are you?” he asks again.

I, too, want to know. Who am I, really? It’s a big question. I remain silent. His gaze blazes through my eyes, beyond everything.

Slowly, his words form as he reveals, “I   am   you.”

But Dad’s words are not necessarily directed to me. They seem to be directed to the Source. Again, I don’t know how to respond, and recognize that I feel somewhat inadequate in the presence of his knowing.

I say, “Yes. That’s right. We are all connected. And, I   am   you.” I feel like a novice, like I am repeating a lesson from the Course.

Dad nods. We stare at each other in silent wonder. He continues to nod.

I want to soothe him. My words seem pointless, yet conditioning leads me to speak. “It’s interesting, isn’t it? How we are all interconnected? I don’t fully understand it, but you’ve helped me to learn that we are all One.”

I manage to straighten Dad’s right arm and lay it gently at his side. The machine to which he is attached stops its incessant beeping, ending the sound which alerts the nurses that his arm is bent, thereby inhibiting the proper flow of fluids traveling through the small needle placed in the crook of his right elbow.

A few minutes earlier Dad’s initial question arose. “What   is   your   creation?”  The words found their way out, circuitously past the small pink sponge I used to moisturize his mouth and clean his teeth.

Curious, yet focused on my task, I smile, lovingly amused that Dad was speaking while my fingers guided the sponge along the inside of his lips, making it difficult for him to articulate the words. I don’t know the answer.

Dad watches me walk to the sink, throw the little sponge-on-a-stick into the garbage can, and wash my hands. The beeping machine calls me back to the side of the hospital bed, signaling me to gently remind Dad to move his arm before one of the nurses takes another unnecessary trip into the room.

Dad enjoys freedom. And autonomy. I feel it is my job to assist him in achieving those qualities in his daily life. After a year of almost daily visits, I feel an intimacy with my father that I had never previously known.

The desire to converse with him increases every day, at the same time that his ability to express thoughts into words decreases. Three years ago, when Dad was still living at home with Mom, he confessed to her, “I’ve got to re-examine everything I’ve been thinking.” Coming from a professor, a research sociologist and social/political activist who dedicated his life to education, I knew Dad was experiencing something profoundly interesting. And now, after spending this year listening closely to his insights, I had begun to experience the expanse and beauty of it all.

Sitting near Dad’s right side, I gently massage his arm once again, coaxing it to relax and stay straight at the same time. I find myself wondering what it would take for the nurses to find someplace else for the needle. Everything at the hospital is so… regimented.

As I do every day, I feel honored to be in the presence of my father. Minutes pass, as Dad appears to be deep in thought.

During this past year, I noticed that Dad had begun to experience those around him in ways not accessible to most of us. Repeatedly, I observed his connection with Oneness. Familiar with the concept of Oneness through my own spiritual studies, I want to fully understand it.

With sudden and unexpected urgency, Dad strains to move his upper body toward me, reaching to grab onto something, his eyebrows grimacing with emotion, his mouth searching. Words cascade from his mouth: “I’m sorry, it’s all my fault.”

He’s almost crying, something I haven’t seen him do for years. “I’m sorry,” he repeats. At some level, I know what he means. But at the same time, I know nothing and simply want him to be able to explain it to me. I want to gather him in my arms and carry him home.

Silence.

There is a release. The intensity has passed and we go back to the normal activities of the Intensive Care Unit. I cover the bench-like cushions along the south wall with one of the white cotton blankets I pulled from the cupboard. The smell of bleach is strong, but I want to protect my sleeping bag from—what? Comforted by the feel of my own pillow from home, I place it where I’ll be able to see Dad whenever I wake.

Dad looks at me from across the room and says quietly, “I’m okay.” His voice is calm and certain, yet I sense an almost imperceptible hint of a question mark at the end.

“Yes,” I tell him, “you are okay. You are perfect.”

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From the Right Mind of AVAIYA Founder, iKE ALLEN