What is Tapping?

Millions of people are settling for lives filled with poor health and emotional baggage. Not knowing how to achieve the joyful and satisfying lives they desire, they’re stuck accepting a lifestyle of emotional trauma, chronic physical pain, compulsions and addictions, or perhaps just an empty feeling inside. Along with these problems come pills to kill the pain, sleep at night, and suppress anxiety – but this is hardly better than the disease.

If you’re like many people, you feel trapped, caught in this cycle. You’re tired of feeling sad, depressed, anxious, discontent, and unwell. You’re sick of the expensive and ineffective treatments. You’re fed up with relinquishing the power over your health and happiness to psychologists and doctors. You’d like to grow, flourish, and thrive, putting the past in the past. You want to be your best, living a life that is filled with peacefulness, joy, and fulfillment, from day to day and moment to moment.

With Tapping, you can do that. You can discover the vital secret for emotional wholeness and physical relief. You can take your physical and emotional well-being into your own hands. It’s simple for anyone to master, and it’s free.

Tapping provides relief from chronic pain, emotional problems, disorders, addictions, phobias, post traumatic stress disorder, and physical diseases. While Tapping is newly set to revolutionize the field of health and wellness, the healing concepts that it’s based upon have been in practice in Eastern medicine for over 5,000 years. Like acupuncture and acupressure, Tapping is a set of techniques which utilize the body’s energy meridian points. You can stimulate these meridian points by tapping on them with your fingertips – literally tapping into your body’s own energy and healing power.

Your body is more powerful than you can imagine… filled with life, energy, and a compelling ability for self-healing. With Tapping, you can take control of that power.

Learn more about Tapping and attend a free Tapping World Summit HERE.

So How Does It All Work?

All negative emotions are felt through a disruption of the body’s energy. And physical pain and disease are intricately connected to negative emotions. Health problems create feedback – physical symptoms cause emotional distress, and unresolved emotional problems manifest themselves through physical symptoms. So, the body’s health must be approached as a whole. You cannot treat the symptoms without addressing the cause, and vice-versa.

The body, like everything in the universe, is composed of energy. Restore balance to the body’s energy, and you will mend the negative emotions and physical symptoms that stem from the energy disruption. Tapping restores the body’s energy balance, and negative emotions are conquered.

The basic technique requires you to focus on the negative emotion at hand: a fear or anxiety, a bad memory, an unresolved problem, or anything that’s bothering you. While maintaining your mental focus on this issue, use your fingertips to tap 5-7 times each on 12 of the body’s meridian points. Tapping on these meridian points – while concentrating on accepting and resolving the negative emotion – will access your body’s energy, restoring it to a balanced state.

You may be wondering about these meridians. Put simply, energy circulates through your body along a specific network of channels. You can tap into this energy at any point along the system.

This concept comes from the doctrines of traditional Chinese medicine, which referred to the body’s energy as “ch’i.” In ancient times, the Chinese discovered 100 meridian points. They also discovered that by stimulating these meridian points, they could heal. Call it energy, call it the Source, call it life force, call it ch’i… Whatever you want to call it, it works.

In some ways, Tapping is similar to acupuncture. Like Tapping, acupuncture achieves healing through stimulating the body’s meridians and energy flow. However, unlike Tapping, acupuncture involves needles! “No needles” is definitely one of the advantages of Tapping.

Acupuncture also takes years to master. Acupuncture practitioners must memorize hundreds of meridian points along the body; the knowledge and training take years to acquire.

Tapping is simple and painless. It can be learned by anyone. And you can apply it to yourself, whenever you want, wherever you are. It’s less expensive and less time consuming. It can be used with specific emotional intent towards your own unique life challenges and experiences. Most importantly, it gives you the power to heal yourself, putting control over your destiny back into your own hands.

The History of Tapping: An Accidental Discovery Leads to a Healing Revolution

It began in 1980, with a psychologist by the name of Roger Callahan, and a patient with an extreme phobia of water. Mary’s fear of water controlled her life and kept her from daily activities. She was unable to take her children to the beach and was unable to drive near the ocean; she grew fearful when it rained, and could not even withstand the sight of water on TV. She had vivid nightmares involving water.

Dr. Callahan and Mary had been working on this problem together for over a year. Finally, Mary worked up the courage to sit within sight of the pool at Dr. Callahan’s house. Even doing this caused Mary extreme distress, and though she found ways to cope with the intense fear and emotional pain, she did not overcome her phobia. They discussed her problem, and how to overcome it, but without success.

Her fear of being near the water caused Mary stomach pains – a common “gut reaction.” Dr. Callahan had recently been studying traditional Chinese medicines, and learning about meridians. Suddenly he had an inspiration. Remembering that there was an acupuncture point for the stomach meridian on the cheekbone, he asked her to tap there, thinking it might cure her stomach pains.

Mary tapped her cheekbone as directed, and this little action changed medicinal history! The response seemed miraculous, to both Mary and Dr. Callahan. Her stomach pains disappeared. But even more amazingly, her phobia of water disappeared, too! She ran down to the pool and began splashing herself with water, rejoicing in her newfound freedom from fear.

Based on this discovery, Dr. Callahan began a series of investigations to develop and refine this technique, which he termed Thought Field Therapy. Gary Craig trained under Dr. Callahan’s tutelage in the 1990′s, learning the procedures for TFT. As time passed, Craig began to observe some problems with TFT, aspects that he saw were unnecessary complications.

TFT required practitioners to tap on a specific sequence of meridians (called an algorithm) for each different problem. Diagnosing the problem required a technique called muscle testing, wherein the practitioner would measure the relative strength of a muscle, while the patient explored various thoughts or statements.

Craig observed repeated scenarios in which the problem was incorrectly diagnosed or the practitioner tapped out the meridian points in the wrong order, yet the patient was still helped.. Based on these observations, he concluded that it did not matter in which order the meridian points were tapped.

Craig developed EFT as a simplified, improved version of the concepts behind Callahan’s TFT. EFT has one basic, simple sequence of points to tap, no matter what the situation.

Because of this, thousands of people have used Tapping for illnesses and to resolve emotional problems. Tapping practitioners have studied the techniques and trained to take on more complicated and difficult cases, and these dedicated practitioners report more successful applications daily. More and more people are discovering and exploring Tapping. Many are discovering how Tapping can change their lives.

Basic Tapping Sequence for Anxiety

As discussed, Tapping can be used for everything- try it on everything! In this example, we’ll focus on general anxiety.

Try it now with this initial sequence. Here’s how a basic Tapping sequence works:

• Identify the problem you want to focus on. It can be general anxiety, or it can be a specific situation or issue which causes you to feel anxious.
• Consider the problem or situation. How do you feel about it right now? Rate the intensity level of your anxiety, with zero being the lowest level of anxiety and ten being the highest.
• Compose your set up statement. Your set up statement should acknowledge the problem you want to deal with, then follow it with an unconditional affirmation of yourself as a person.

“Even though I feel this anxiety, I deeply and completely accept myself.”
“Even though I’m anxious about my interview, I deeply and completely accept myself.”
“Even though I’m feeling this anxiety about my financial situation, I deeply and completely accept myself.”
“Even though I panic when I think about ______, I deeply and completely accept myself. ”
“Even though I’m worried about how to approach my boss, I deeply and completely accept myself.”
“Even though I’m having trouble breathing, I deeply and completely accept myself.”

• Perform the set up.

With four fingers on one hand, tap the Karate Chop point on your other hand. The Karate Chop point is on the outer edge of the hand, on the opposite side from the thumb.

Repeat the set up statement three times aloud, while simultaneously tapping the Karate Chop point. Now take a deep breath!

Get ready to begin tapping! Here are some tips to help you achieve the right technique.

• You should use a firm but gentle pressure, as if you were drumming on the side of your desk or testing a melon for ripeness.
• You can use all four fingers, or just the first two (the index and middle fingers). Four fingers are generally used on the top of the head, the collarbone, under the arm… wider areas. On sensitive areas, like around the eyes, you can use just two.
• Tap with your fingertips, not your fingernails. The sound will be round and mellow.
• The tapping order begins at the top and works down. You can end by returning to the top of the head, to complete the loop.
• Now, tap 5-7 times each on the remaining eight points in the following sequence:
  Head (H)
  The crown, center and top of the head. Tap with all four fingers on both hands.

  Eyebrow (EB)
  The inner edges of the eyebrows, closest to the bridge of the nose. Use two fingers.

  Side of eye (SE)
  The hard area between the eye and the temple. Use two fingers. Feel out this area gently so you don’t poke yourself in the eye!

  Under eye (UE)
  The hard area under the eye, that merges with the cheekbone. Use two fingers, in line beneath the pupil.

  Under nose (UN)
  The point centered between the bottom of the nose and the upper lip. Use two fingers.

  Chin (CH)
  This point follows symmetrically with the previous one, and is centered between the bottom of the lower lip and the chin.

  Collarbone (CB)
  Tap just below the hard ridge of your collarbone with four fingers.

  Underarm (UA)
  On your side, about four inches beneath the armpit. Use four fingers.

  Head (H)
  And back where you started, to complete the sequence.

As you tap on each point, repeat a simple reminder phrase, such as “my anxiety” or “my interview” or “my financial situation.” Tap firmly with the first two fingers on each hand.

Now take another deep breath!

• Now that you’ve completed the sequence, focus on your problem again. How intense is the anxiety now, in comparison to a few minutes ago? Give it a rating on the same number scale.
• If your anxiety is still higher than “2″, you can do another round of tapping. Keep tapping until the anxiety is gone. You can change your set up statement to take into account your efforts to fix the problem, and your desire for continued progress. “Even though I have some remaining anxiety, I deeply and completely accept myself.” “Even though I’m still a little worried about this interview, I deeply and completely accept myself.” And so on.
• Now that you’ve focused on dispelling your immediate anxiety, you can work on installing some positive feelings instead.

Note: This is a different approach than traditional “positive thinking.” You’re not being dishonest with yourself. You’re not trying to obscure the stress and anxiety inside yourself with a veneer of insincere affirmations. Rather, you’ve confronted and dealt with the anxiety and negative feelings, offering deep and complete acceptance to both your feelings and your self. Now, you’re turning your thoughts and vibrations to the powerful and positive. That’s what makes Tapping so much more effective than the “positive thinking” techniques that many of you have already tried. It’s not just a mental trick; instead, you’re using these positive phrases and tapping to tune into the very real energy of positivity, affirmation, and joy that is implicit inside you. You’re actually changing your body’s energy into a more positive flow, a more positive vibration.

Here are some example phrases to guide you:

“I have faith in my ability to change.”
“I am joyful about these positive changes.”
“I am accomplishing so much.”
“I enjoy the calm and peace that I have.”
“I love the person that I am.”
“I am becoming a more relaxed and joyful person.”

You can use these positive phrases with the same tapping points and sequences described above.

Congratulations! You’ve completed your first Tapping sequence.

Learn more about Tapping and attend a free Tapping World Summit HERE.

What is success? It is many things to many people. Here are a few signs of success:

• Success is closing the door to your office at the end of the day with a smile of satisfied contentment crossing your face. It’s knowing that you did a good job and that those who interacted with you had a positive experience.
• Success is looking forward to getting home and seeing the people you love. It’s being mentally and emotionally free to share yourself with them and to be interested in them. Success is being loved by the people you love.
• Success is sitting down to pay the bills and knowing that you have enough money to cover them, this month and next month. It’s knowing that you have taken measures to ensure the financial security of your family in the event of your demise.
• Success is knowing where to turn when it seems that there’s nowhere to turn. Having a spiritual life is akin to eating food and drinking water. It’s necessary!
• Success is having interests or hobbies to call your own. It’s things that you personally anticipate doing again and again. Having interests gives you job and peace.
• Success is waking up in the morning and feeling food. It’s knowing that you eat right and exercise regularly and that you do everything you personally can to ensure continued good health.
• Success is turning out the lights, slipping under the covers, and thinking to yourself, “It just doesn’t get much better than this!” It’s whispering a prayer of gratitude to your Creator before you fall into a deep, restful sleep.

And here are a few things that success is not:

• Success isn’t calling home from work for the fourth time this week, apologizing because you’re going to miss dinner with the family again.
• Success isn’t hurrying into the house and hiding behind closed doors or the television set because “After the day I’ve had, I need my space!”
• Success isn’t having all the riches in the world and still trying to figure out how to have more of all the riches in the world.
• Success isn’t physically going to a worship service and mentally writing a to-do list for when you get home.
• Success isn’t all work and no play.
• Success isn’t burning the candle at both ends and living on a diet of food that’s delivered through little windows.
• Success isn’t spending mental energy figuring out how to explain why your project isn’t going to come in on time, why you have to miss your child’s school play, why you can’t pay the bill in full as you promised, why your eyes are red and your blood pressure is going through the roof, why you’re canceling your golf game, and why you just don’t find any joy in living.

Success is directly related to having a balanced life. If any one area is out of sync, all the areas of your life suffer. Take the time to examine your life and take small steps to gain balance.

Zig Ziglar is a beloved author and America’s motivator. He is the author of 25 books and offers training and consulting to organizations all across the globe. To learn more about Zig and his business visit his website atwww.ziglar.com

Consider this scenario. You are down by 6 points 1 min left in the game….and it’s 4th and 20 with the ball on the 30 yard line.
Also, you have just been sacked 3 times in a row and you really had your clock cleaned with that last sack.
Your view of the field is severely limited by your vantage point and the fact that you can’t see straight.

Who do you think should be calling the next play? You with your current conditions or the offensive coordinator who is in the skybox?
You know the offensive coordinator who has been studying the defense the whole game and who sits in air conditioned comfort and calculates all the possibilities with each defensive lineup.
You ALL-ways have the opportunity to remember that the offensive coordinator is on your team. S/HE really wants you to win just as much as you do. S/HE has your best interest in mind.

Surrendering to the other part of you (in this case the other part of the team) that is not on the field getting pummeled each play may not be such a bad idea.

Who’s calling your plays? Your limited mind or your limitless Spirit?

You could let Inspiration guide you and trust that at the end of the day, it will have been much more enjoyable and rewarding this way.
Now, imagine showing up on the field of your life and doing what your inspiration (the offensive coordinator) tells you to.

Wow, I bet at the end of the game of life, you would be on your death bed saying, “I played full out and have ZERO regrets.”

That would be incredible! Will that be you?

-Ike Allen is the Founder of www.AVAIYA.com and believes life is a game…really.

Knowledge is not Power! Applied knowledge is power.

A couple weeks ago, I was talking with Bob Proctor about the fact that neither of us had gone to college and for us, it would have been a waste of time.

Yes, a college degree can help you in certain circumstances, but as I look back in history, many successful people achieved astounding success without “higher education.” Often, colleges teach you to get a job and as many recent college graduates know, there aren’t a lot of those around. Bob and I preferred to skip school to become Entrepreneurs and create our own sense of security.

Life is a game that can be played countless ways, if you’re Inspired to spend a small fortune and years in college, go for it. If you’re going to school out of Obligation or because you think you MUST to be successful, check out this list of people who dropped out or never even began college and still achieved great success.

People Who Didn’t Complete or Didn’t Even Start College:

Richard Branson, billionaire founder of Virgin Music.
R. Buckminster Fuller, inventor of the geodesic dome.
Bill Gates, billionaire co-founder of Microsoft.
Debbi Fields, founder of Mrs. Fields Cookies.
Peter Jennings, news anchor.
Steve Jobs, co-founder of Apple Computers and Pixar Animation.
Mary Lyon, founder of Mount Holyoke College (America’s first women’s college).
Karl Rove, presidential advisor.
Walt Disney — you know Disney don’t you?
John Mackey, founder of Whole Foods.
Sergey Brin, billionaire founder of Google.
John Carmack, cofounder of Id Software.
Andrew Carnegie, industrialist and philanthropist.
Scott Carpenter, astronaut.
John Chancellor, TV journalist and anchorman.
Winston Churchill, British prime minister.
Charles Culpeper, multimillionaire owner and CEO of Coca Cola.
Michael Dell, founder of Dell Computers.
George Eastman, multimillionaire inventor and founder of Kodak.
Larry Ellison, billionaire co-founder of Oracle software company.
Carly Fiorina, CEO, Hewlett-Packard.
Bobby Fischer, chess master.
Henry Ford, billionaire founder of Ford Motor Company.
J. Paul Getty, billionaire oilman.
Amadeo Peter Giannini, multimillionaire founder of Bank of America.
Hyman Golden, multimillionaire cofounder of Snapple.
Dean Kamen, multimillionaire inventor of the Segway.
Tommy Lasorda, baseball manager.
Ralph Lauren, billionaire fashion designer, founder of Polo.
Charles Lindbergh, aviator.
Jack London, bestselling novelist.
Luiz Inacio Lula da Silva, Brazilian president.
Steve Madden, shoe designer.
John Major, British prime minister.
Herman Melville, novelist, Moby Dick.
Karl Menninger, psychiatrist.
Mark Twain (Samuel Langhorne Clemens).
Cornelius Vanderbilt, railroad magnate.
Theodore Waitt, billionaire founder of Gateway Computers.
DeWitt Wallace, founder and publisher of Reader’s Digest.
William Safire, columnist for the New York Times.
Colonel Harlan Sanders, founder of Kentucky Fried Chicken (KFC).
Vidal Sassoon, multimillionaire founder of Vidal Sassoon.
Richard Schulze, billionaire founder of Best Buy.
William Shakespeare, playwright, poet.
Barry Goldwater, U.S. senator and presidential candidate.
David Green, billionaire founder of Hobby Lobby.
Joyce C. Hall, founder of Hallmark.
Harold Hamm, billionaire oil wildcatter.
William Randolph Hearst, newspaper publisher.
Isaac Merrit Singer, sewing machine inventor.
Walter L. Smith, president of Florida A&M University.
Will Smith, Grammy-winning rapper, actor.
Alfred Taubman, billionaire chairman of Sotheby.
Jack Crawford Taylor, billionaire founder of Enterprise Rent-a-Car.
Dave Thomas, billionaire founder of Wendy’s.
Ted Turner, billionaire founder of CNN and TBS.
John Simplot, billionaire potato king.
Ty Warner, billionaire developer of Beanie Babies.
Sidney Weinberg, managing partner of Goldman Sachs.
Steve Wozniak, billionaire co-founder of Apple.
Wilbur Wright, inventor of the airplane.
Mark Zuckerberg, founder of Facebook, billionaire.
Claude Monet, painter.
Dustin Moskovitz, multi-millionaire co-founder of Facebook.
Walter Nash, prime minister of New Zealand.
David Neeleman, founder of JetBlue airlines.
David Oreck, founder of The Oreck Corporation.
George Orwell (aka Eric Blair), author of Animal Farm and 1984.
Larry Page, billionaire founder of Google.
James A. Pike, Episcopal bishop.
Ron Popeil, multimillionaire founder of Ronco.
Leandro Rizzuto, billionaire founder of Conair.
John D. Rockefeller Sr., billionaire founder of Standard Oil.

Follow your Inspiration,

-iKE ALLEN is the founder of www.avaiya.com and believes YOU have everything you need to succeed already within you.

Visit me on Facebook to rant: http://www.facebook.com/IamIkeAllen

eye-opening forecast was predicted by the New England Journal of Medicine in 2005, and if it comes

to fruition, would largely be the result of obesity-related illnesses. As obesity has reached epidemic

proportions in America, the USDA’s June 15th release of the proposed Dietary Guidelines for Americans,

2010, couldn’t have come at a more crucial time.

Targeting the obesity crisis head-on, the USDA’s most noteworthy suggestion is that Americans return

to a plant-based diet emphasizing fruits, vegetables, legumes, whole grains, nuts and seeds. It is also

recommended we limit our intake of lean meats, poultry, and eggs. With health problems dramatically

rising, suggesting that we shift back to a plant-based lifestyle is refreshing and long overdue.

The hard truth is, the lives and happiness of our children and the future of our society are at stake. So

what do we really have to lose, but our weight? It’s clear that a challenge is upon us, which to many may

look ominous. In looking beyond the darkness, however, the obstacle we’re currently faced with can be

viewed as the ultimate opportunity for us to achieve health and wellness. We’re in the driver’s seat, and

it’s up to us which path to take. This could be a very powerful gift to give our children, allowing them to

live up to their true potential.

Now that these recommendations are upon us, it’s imperative we understand how to interpret them.

A plant-based diet could be construed as your typical breakfast cereal in the morning, white pasta with

a light mushroom sauce for lunch, and a frozen vegetarian meal for dinner. Technically, this is a plant-

based diet, as animal foods make up little to none of the daily calories. However, in order to reap the

true benefits of a plant-based diet, one that is protective against disease and promotes health, this diet

must come from whole foods.

A whole food is a food that retains its natural, unmodified form. These are foods that are unprocessed,

or processed as little as possible prior to consumption. For example, whole grains haven’t been stripped

of their nutrients or fiber like refined grains. White flour and white rice have been processed such that

the fiber-rich bran layer and the nutrient-dense germ are removed from the kernel of grain, leaving the

consumer with nothing but the starchy endosperm. White bread might be tasty, but it offers very little

in the way of nutrition.

Instead of viewing this return to a plant-based diet as restrictive, we can chose to view it as opening

the door to new and delicious plant-foods, and ultimately to new experiences for ourselves and our

children. This can be as simple as choosing a whole grain blueberry muffin at breakfast as opposed to

bacon, a white bean soup with a colorful green salad at lunch in place of a cheeseburger and fries, and

an Asian vegetable stir-fry instead of General Tso’s Chicken for dinner. Being open to this lifestyle will

bring a sense of empowerment back to our bodies, spirits and minds. It will redirect us back to that fine

balance that has been lost for many of us.

Embracing this lifestyle would allow us to retrace our steps back to the basics – back to simpler times.

What does going back to the basics mean? Maybe it means simply pausing and listening to what our

bodies are actually asking for in the way of nourishment. Along with an increase in physical activity,

returning to a whole foods, plant-based diet may be the quickest way to tackle the obesity epidemic

that’s now staring us in the face.

Perhaps these revolutionary guidelines will serve as our wake-up call – our call to return to our body’s

inherent needs with whole foods, plant-based living. Whose permission are you waiting for to live a

long, healthy, vibrant life?

Ashley Anderson is the iNTUiTiVE RD and Co Founder of Avaiya.
She can be seen in MPower: Empowering Women in Business and Beyond and at her nutrition website: www.ashleyanderson.me

Key Purpose
What is the purpose of a business? Many people think that the purpose of a business is to earn a profit, but they are wrong. The true purpose of a business is to create and keep a customer. Fully 50 percent of your time, efforts, and expenses should be focused on creating and keeping customers in some way.

Key Measure
The key measure of business success is customer satisfaction. Your ability to satisfy your customers to such a degree that they buy from you rather than from someone else, that they buy again, and that they bring their friends is the key determinant of growth and profitability.

Key Requirement
The key requirement for wealth building and business success is for you to add value in some way. All wealth comes from adding value. All business growth and profitability come from adding value. Every day, you must be looking for ways to add more and more value to the customer experience.

Key Focus
The most important person in the business is the customer. You must focus on the customer at all times. Customers are fickle, disloyal, changeable, impatient, and demanding-just like you. Nonetheless, the customer must be the central focus of everything you do in business.

Key Word
In life, work, and business, you will always be rewarded in direct proportion to the value of your contribution to others, as they see it. The focus on outward contribution, to your company, your customers, and your community, is the central requirement for you to become an ever more valuable person, in every area.

Key Question
The most important question you ask, to solve any problem, overcome any obstacle, or achieve any business goal is “How?” Top people always ask the question “How?” and then act on the answers that come to them.

Key Strategy
In a world of rapid change and continuing aggressive competition, you must practice continuous improvement in every area of your business and personal life. As Pat Riley, the basketball coach, said, “If you’re not getting better, you’re getting worse.”

Key Activity
The heartbeat of your business is sales. Dun & Bradstreet analyzed thousands of companies that had gone broke over the years and concluded that the number-one reason for business failure was “low sales.” When they researched further, they found that the number-one reason for business success was “high sales.” And all else was commentary.

Key Number
The most important number in business is cash flow. Cash flow is to the business as blood and oxygen are to the brain. You can have every activity working efficiently in your business, but if your cash flow is cut off for any reason, the business can die, sometimes overnight.

Key Goal
Every business must have a growth plan. Growth must be the goal of all your business activities. You should have a goal to grow 10 percent, 20 percent, or even 30 percent each year. Some companies grow 50 percent and 100 percent per year, and not by accident. The only real growth is profit growth. Profit growth is always measurable in what is called “free cash flow.” This is the actual amount of money that the business throws off each month, each quarter, and each year, above and beyond the total cost and expense of running a business.

Action Exercise
You should have a growth plan for the number of new leads you attract and for the number of new customers you acquire from those leads. You should have a growth plan for sales, revenues, and profitability. If you do not deliberately plan for continuous growth, you will automatically stagnate and begin to fall behind. Growth is not an accident; so you must plan and map out your growth plan if you want your business to see a bright future.

https://briantracy.infusionsoft.com/go/BTCOM/AVAIYA/

What is Holy?

Looking into the dreamy eyes of my newborn child
          lifted from the salty ocean of the Great Mother,
          blood still pulsing in the cord that joins two hearts.

Sunning myself on a warm rock, carefree as a cloud
          snowcapped mountains reflected in the
          deep blue-black waters of a crystal lake.

Listening to a lover’s lament, tears over a gentle man
          with roots as yet too shallow to drink in the
          full sun of her being without wilting in the light.

Praying at the Wailing Wall, the ghosts of ancient women
          whispering their stories into the ears of stones
          worn smooth by the slender fingers of their longing.

–Joan Borysenko

A quiet awakening is under way across America as women are coming together to worship, to tell their stories and to find their place spiritually, if not always religiously, in the household of God. Women’s spiritual groups are cropping up everywhere like mushrooms after a nourishing rain. Far from being some kind of New Age phenomenon, they involve women of every Christian and Jewish sect including Catholics, Mormons, Mennonites, evangelicals, and others. Buddhist, Hindu, and Muslim women also discuss the woman’s way. Women of color and Hispanic women are likewise exploring their spirituality and roles in organized religion. Gay women and straight, those who consider themselves feminists and others who abhor the word, are nonetheless searching for authentic spiritual expression.

We do so organically, through the medium of sharing our stories, writing and performing songs and poems, celebrating the Divine with our bodies through dance and movement, creating rituals that celebrate the important passages of life and heal its inevitable wounds, creating egalitarian and participatory models for worship and by reaching out to others to heal social injustice, racism, and discrimination. God as a jealous, punitive white Anglo-Saxon male with a long beard and a longer arm lacks appeal for many contemporary women. This has led some to run into the arms of the Goddess and find meaning in earth-centered or neopagan rituals. It has led others to join Buddhist sanhas where there is no personified god. And it has led many more to question the relevance of their religious beliefs to the homely reality of everyday life.

For eons women have been viewed as second-class citizens by the three “religions of the Book” — Judaism, Christianity, and Islam — because of Eve’s act of disobedience in the Garden of Eden. It is written in Ecclesiasticus 25:24, “From a woman sin had its beginning, and because of her we all die.” Many women are tired of repenting for Eve’s imagined sins and are ready to reclaim the energy that has been lost to religious traditions in which the framers were singularly unconcerned either with women’s spirituality or with their basic rights and gifts as human beings. Nineteenth-century women like Elizabeth Cady Stanton, editor of the controversial Woman’s Bible that appeared at the turn of the century, fought for women’s suffrage in part by stating that we would never be truly free until the theological errors underlying the discrimination against women were corrected.

Many contemporary feminist theologians are attempting to do just that. Elisabeth Schussler Fiorenza of the Harvard Divinity School has written fifteen books of scriptural exegesis and commentary from a woman’s viewpoint. In a 1978 essay she wrote that “feminist spirituality proclaims wholeness, healing, love and spiritual power not as hierarchical, as power over, but as power for, as enabling power.” In the twenty years since she wrote those words, the wave of the baby boom has crested, washing up an enormous number of midlife women on the shores of wisdom with the power and motivation to create change. Women are, in fact, the backbone of a rapidly growing social movement called Cultural Creatives, 44 million strong, who are committed to healing, community, social justice, spirituality and to creating a sustainable environment. This emerging group is fascinated by other cultures and religions that can enrich our lives spiritually, increase our understanding, and help bring a new world of tolerance, respect, and care into being.

A variety of women’s worship circles have sprouted both within and beyond the walls of traditional religion, honoring the ritual spontaneity spoken of in Mariam Therese Winter’s Defecting in Place: Women Claiming Responsibility for Their Own Spiritual Lives. Jewish women may celebrate together in Rosh Hodesh groups, a monthly celebration of the new moon, which many link to their menstrual cycles. Books like Rabbi Lynn Gottlieb’sShe Who Dwells Within plumb the depths of the feminine face of God in Judaism, the Shekhina, and give elegant and moving advice for celebrating the Sabbath, Rosh Hodesh, and other women-centered rituals. In Four Centuries of Jewish Women’s Spirituality, there are many stories of women’s ritual relevant to the emotional concerns of daily living, created by friends for other friends outside the bounds of the synagogue.

E.M. Broner writes of sitting shivah for a lost love, shivah being a week of ritual mourning for the dead. But even though this ritual is called a shivah, Broner describes a practical, heartfelt outpouring of friendship and healing that women of any faith can relate to. She tells of a friend with a broken heart, whose coloring has changed to “boiled red,” because she cannot stop weeping. Her sixty-three-year-old lover of nine years has taken up with a young woman of twenty-three. On the day of his marriage to this young woman, a circle of friends gather, bringing only a tape recorder and a cooked chicken.

Taking turns talking into the machine, they “correct” their friend’s memory and remind her of her own intrinsic wholeness. It is a holy circle, a sacred circle. They “acknowledge amputation, separation as part of life.” They cook and eat together, talking of everyday things. Life goes on. They toast the wholeness of the friend. They embrace Her and let their tears wash her clean. Finally they cut a black armband for the friend to wear while she grieves, stipulating a period of mourning, and a time to end it. Women from all religious traditions crave person-to-person ritual relevant to the problems and celebrations of everyday life. One of the difficulties with organized religions is that there is so little of this kind of connecting.

Women are intrinsically mystical, that is, we tend to experience direct connection with the Divine. This may occur not only during formal worship, prayer, or meditation but any time. Women often report a deep sense of connection to God as part of friendship, or mothering. We see the God in others. Finding God by adhering to specific rules and regulations, plans and paths, priests and mediators is not a necessary component of the woman’s journey. For women there really is no journey. Life and spirituality are one and the same.

Going through menarche, infertility, stillbirth, cesarean sections, normal births, the decision not to bear children, the loss of a child, menopause–these are women’s mysteries and passages that are intimately related to our spiritual lives, and for which we seek meaningful ritual to celebrate, to find strength, and to mourn. Rituals such as these are exactly what are missing in biblical Scripture, written by men for men. Scripture, moreover, is concerned largely with public life rather than the details of private life, so little is known about the role of women. Only 151 of 1,400 people who are referred to by name in the Hebrew Bible, and proportionately about twice that number named in the New Testament, are women. These numbers testify to the small attention paid to us, to our daily lives, forms of worship, hopes and dreams.

For many years I have been intimately involved in facilitating or cofacilitating women’s spiritual retreats for dropouts, returnees, and loyalists who have managed to find nurture in whatever their religious orientation of childhood might have been. Protestant, Catholic, Jewish, Unitarian, Christian Scientist, Wiccan, and Muslim women have come together at these retreats to celebrate commonalities in women’s spiritual experience. The retreats have had formats as different as the creation of ritual, celebratory liturgy, and occasions of deep healing, to an exploration of spirituality as it evolves through the feminine life cycle, to weekends of silent, centering prayer and humor. Central to each has been the act of women sharing their stories, not in any contrived way but as women do when the occasion presents itself. We talk over breakfast, in pajamas, in the bathroom, out on walks. The stories unfold, often surprising the speaker as well as the listener. The hidden reaches of the heart become accessible as words are received by a compassionate listener. Where there once were two, there is a wiser one.

Rabbi Nachman, the grandson of the Baal Shem Tov who founded mystical Judais, said that if you wanted to find the Shekhina, the Divine Feminine, then you should go to the place where the women tell stories. Women’s spirituality, after all, is less about the hereafter than the here and now. It is embodied and earthy, relying on personal experience versus abstract theology and the validation of that experience by sharing our stories. Women’s spirituality can be summarized as relational, active, emotional, mystical, imaginative, creative, practical, positively concerned with the healing of the world, body centered, sensuous, given to spontaneous acts of ritual and worship, based on a sense of inner divine authority, composed of a diversity of images of God, tolerant of other religious traditions, and rooted in the everyday practicalities of living.

Coming together as friends in religious contexts requires respect for forms of worship different than our own. These differences keep heart and mind open. They are soul food. If we are to find a path of our own, it helps to know and appreciate the paths of others. To realize that the household of God is indeed big enough for all gives everyone room to live and grow. The idea that there is only one right way home, one path for all, creates judgment and separation. Women’s spirituality is about connectedness.

As we continue to follow the thread of feminine spirituality through ancient labyrinths, we will come face-to-face with our power, the power of the she-bear. The energy that may have been tied up in old religious wounds will become freed to speed us on our way. That accomplished, the question remains, “How can we find our own path within the feminine way?” Considering ritual and prayer, as well as the conflicts and synergies between doing and being, what we do versus who we are, our authentic soul voice can emerge. Appreciating both the hero’s and the heroine’s journey, the balance of female and male in ourselves, our religions and the world, women can come home to themselves, to communities of worship, and to God.

Excerpted from the new book, A Woman’s Journey to God: Finding the Feminine Path, by Joan Borysenko.  Riverhead Books. Reprinted by permission.

See Joan Borysenko in this smash hit, MPower: Empowering Women in Business and Beyond 

www.mpowermovie.com

Joan Borysenko, Ph.D., has a powerfully clear personal vision–to bring science, medicine, psychology and spirituality together in the service of healing. Her brilliance as a scientist, clinician and teacher have placed her on the leading edge of the mind-body revolution, and she has become a world-renowned spokesperson for this new approach to health, sharing her pioneering work with a gentle graciousness, enthusiasm and humility.

Trained as both a medical scientist and a psychologist, Dr. Borysenko has gone beyond her traditional academic training and developed depth and breadth in a number of fields including behavioral medicine, stress and well-being, psychoneuroimmunology, women’s health, creativity and the great spiritual traditions of the world. She completed her doctorate in medical sciences at the Harvard Medical School where she also completed three post-doctoral fellowships in experimental pathology, behavioral medicine and psychoneuroimmunology and where she was instructor in medicine until 1988.

Also a licensed psychologist, Dr. Borysenko was co-founder and former Director of the Mind-Body clinical programs at two Harvard Medical School teaching hospitals, now merged as the Beth Israel/Deaconess Medical Center in Boston. These programs were the foundation for her 1987 classic New York Times bestseller Minding the Body, Mending the Mind.

Dr. Borysenko is a spell-binding lecturer and workshop leader who blends science, psychology and spirituality in a unique and powerful way. Her presentations are full of humor and personal anecdotes as well as the latest scientific research and practical exercises for both personal and professional growth. Her nine books are a complete library of healing, combining scholarly wisdom with the language of the heart, and bringing body and soul together with unprecedented clarity and sophistication.

Dr. Borysenko’s work has appeared in numerous scientific journals and has been featured in many popular magazines and newspapers. She is well known for her ability to bridge diverse disciplines and open up new lines of communication. A widely sought expert for the media, she has appeared on Oprah, Sally Jesse Raphael, Sonya Live, Geraldo, Hour Magazine and Good Morning America among many other appearances both on commercial and public television. Her work has been featured in U.S. News and World Report, the Wall Street Journal, USA Today, Reader’s Digest, Success, Bottom Line, The Leifer Report, American Health, Shape, Glamour, Vogue, Ladies Home Journal, Living Fit, Success, Yoga Journal, New Age Journal, and many other magazines and newspapers.

Visit Joan at www.joanborysenko.com

–The TRUTH for me “Post Enlightenment” is that “I” still need to wear pants in public. I thought TRUTH was going to wake up within me and allow me to possibly float around as some sort of energetic being. No such outcome…yet. -Ike Allen Founder of Avaiya

Money is neither god nor devil,
but a form of energy.
Like love or fear,
it can serve you or bind you,
depending upon how you manage it.
By clarifying your goals
and using your gifts,
you can make good money,
doing what you enjoy,
while serving
the highest calling of your soul.
Using money wisely, and well,
you share your material
and spiritual wealth
with the world.
Road Map: The Flow of Money

In the context of personal growth, money is more than a means of exchange or ready cash. Although most of us have experienced periods of financial scarcity, our relationship to money reflects our relationship to energy and service and spirit, our ability to function in society, our openness to pleasure and abundance, our reality check. Money mirrors the quality of our interactions with other people, our ability to receive and to give. Money represents survival, security, safety, shelter, food, family, livelihood.

More complex, it turns out, than balancing your checkbook.

If spiritual life begins on the ground, money forms a foundation on which to build. Shivapuri Baba, an Indian Saint and yogi who walked around the world on a pilgrimage when he was nearly 120 years old, was once asked about the best way to begin a spiritual life. He advised, “first build a foundation—manage your money.” (He had acquired a small bag of gems in his younger years, through hard work and simple living; he drew upon these gems as needed.)

Money in Everyday Life

Pam, a friend who read an early version of this manuscript, said, “I don’t think that the chapter [in Everyday Enlightenment], Manage Your Money, is as important as the chapters about taming our mind or facing our fears—” Abruptly, she looked at her watch. “Oh, my gosh, look what time it is! The bank’s closing in ten minutes!” Wondering about why money was so important, Pam had to run to the bank.

On the way to the bank, Pam later told me that she realized how much of her time, thoughts, and attention revolved around money—paying the bills, balancing checkbooks, discussing costs of the room addition for their growing family. After the bank, she went food shopping, then stopped by the furniture store to check prices on a new bed for one of her children. All activities dealing with money. Like Pam, most of us have money concerns of one kind or another—striving to make more, or make do with less—learning to live simply, comfortably, spiritually.

Poor people may be forced to think about money a lot of the time, related to food, shelter, subsistence, and survival. Rich people may also think about money a lot of the time, related to status, travel, freedom, influence, and options. But managing your money does not depend upon becoming wealthy or declaring vows of poverty. Rather, it is about creating stability and sufficiency—a balanced flow of monetary energy through your life. This kind of management liberates you from survival issues, so that money concerns no longer occupy your mind or monopolize your attention. When money flows in, you spend it in a matter-of-fact way where it needs to go, where it will do the most good. You pay bills gladly, knowing that your money helps to support other people who in turn provide services for you. If something breaks, you write a check and get it fixed without further concern. Free from cycles of scarcity, your attention can ascend to higher levels of awareness and experience.

Money is like sex;
you think a lot about it
when you don’t have it,
and think of other things
when you do.
—James Baldwin

Spiritual Stereotypes

You can probably conjure up images of pure and holy people quite easily—monks with begging bowls, Indian ascetics, priests and nuns from every tradition who have renounced money in order to live a more spiritual life free of worldly distractions. Images of Jesus expelling money changers from the temple and quotations about money being the root of all evil and rich men having a tough time entering heaven and the meek inheriting the earth are quite familiar. Such images and ideas help create stereotypes that equate poverty and spirituality in the minds of many.

I don’t like money
but it calms my nerves.
—Joe Louis

Managing your money begins by acknowledging any mixed feelings, guilt, or negativity you may have about money and about those who possess it in abundance. If you associate voluntary poverty with humility, goodness, and spirituality, then with what do you associate wealth? It is worth pondering, because what you believe about money will determine, in large part, your effectiveness in acquiring it.

What Money Cannot Buy

Money cannot buy security, because security is a psychological state. To some, it means having enough food to eat, clothing on your back, a shelter over your head, or someone who loves you. To others, security requires millions of dollars in tax-free accounts around the world.

Money can’t buy love and happiness either. In one telephone survey, 275 people in the San Francisco Bay area were asked if they believed that they would be significantly happier and more loving if they had a million dollars. Seventy-six percent of the respondents replied, “Yes. Absolutely.” Then the research company contacted ten millionaires, and asked them, “Did making your first million dollars make you a happier or more loving person?” The response was unanimous: “No.”

The best things in life—the sun in the morning and the moon at night—are free. And money doesn’t guarantee happiness. But financial abundance does offer a number of practical benefits. Sleep, for one thing—very few affluent people stay up late worrying about having too much money. Money also buys privacy, space, and silence.

Three things help me
get through life successfully:
an understanding husband,
an extremely good analyst,
and millions and millions of dollars.
—Mary Tyler Moore

Wealthy people do have problems, but they have less to do with survival. There may be some forlorn rich people and some delighted poor people, but on the whole, managing your money certainly gives you a leg up.

Simple Principles for Sufficiency

In Walden Henry David Thoreau described how by living frugally, growing his own food, building a hut with scrap lumber he’d found on some land near Walden Pond, he would only have to work for six weeks a year to earn enough to live a quiet, contemplative life. There is much to admire about his experiment (which lasted a season or two), but such a life is not for everyone. You may not want to follow Thoreau to Walden Pond, but here are some simple principles that you can follow:

Live Below Your Means

Many of us believe our main money problem is how to make more of it, but how we spend it is in fact more important. Because as our income increases, so do desires and expenses. It’s all a matter of scale. Many wealthy people end up in debt.

No matter how much money you make,
if you spend more than you earn
you shall be eternally poor.
—Noah Webster

Money is so easy to spend that an alarming number of us have put away little or nothing toward our later years. Applying fiscal discipline is a central part of managing your money. Most affluent people become and stay that way due not to extraordinary incomes, but to an unassuming lifestyle and the self-discipline to spend less than they earn, while investing the rest.

Pay Yourself First

Make it an ironclad rule to pay yourself by putting away ten cents of every dollar you ever earn until you are seventy years old, and teach your children to do the same. Before you pay the bills, before you pay the IRS, before you give to charity, put that money away as if it never existed and learn to live on the rest, no matter what. Put that ten percent aside in a safe nest-egg account or very conservative investment and let compound interest work for you all day and all night over the years. Never mind the fancy investment strategies, schemes, and experts. If you do have money to experiment with, that’s icing on the cake. In a true emergency, give yourself a few days to decide if you really need to draw out any of the principal to spend. Never draw out more than half of the principal. At the age of sixty-five or seventy, it is yours to do with as you wish.

Earmark Your Money

Whether your income is derived from a salary with taxes withheld, or whether you are self-employed, one of the most practical steps you can take in managing your money is to create a budget, clearly earmarking your money for distinct categories. Once you’ve created the budget, then stick with it. While this is not a radical idea, few of us put it into practice, given the level of credit card debt in this country. Unless you already have tax withholding at your work, divide any income as follows: For every $1,000 you make—

• Immediately put away $100 (10%) in your savings.
• If you are self-employed, put aside whatever percentage of your gross income that goes to state and federal taxes.
• If you are committed to donating a share of your income to charities, earmark that fund next; don’t wait until the end of the year to see if there’s anything left. If you decide to donate five percent of your gross income to charities, that would be $50 out of each thousand.
• Put $50 into a rainy-day fund.
• Put $50 into an account for Christmas, Hanukkah, or other holidays.
• Put $50 into a vacation account.

That’s a total of $450, leaving $550 (out of every $1,000 you make) for household expenses: the mortgage or rent, food, utilities, medical care, etc. The exact percentages may vary from household to household, depending upon the makeup and age range of its members, but the principle is the same —earmark and budget your money. Exerting this financial discipline will eliminate a great deal of pre-tax as well as post-retirement stress. You gain self-reliance and self-respect by taking responsibility for managing your money in this way.

The Two Essentials of Business Success

In order to succeed in nearly any business enterprise, whether you work for a large corporation or are self-employed, you must operate on these two principles:

• First, be good at what you do. That means ongoing study, practice, innovation, and refinement. Treat your work as a form of skill training. Never believe that you are as good as you can get. Each day, each year, strive to master your work. No matter what you do, if you become one of the best in your field, you will do well (if you also pay attention to the following principle).
• Second, be good at promoting what you do. There is no telling how many exceptional, gifted people exist in every field who are not successful because they were unwilling to promote themselves. I know extraordinary musicians whose songs will never be heard by more than a few people, while the top forty charts include many forgettable but well-promoted clichés. It’s a sad irony that those most dedicated to their art or craft, who most love what they do, understandably want to spend their time getting better at what they do but fail to grasp the need to promote themselves.

Ask yourself: Am I good at what I do? Do I provide a valuable service? If the answer is no, then stay out of sight and work at improving what you do. But if your answer is yes, then blow your horn! You can’t help anyone if they don’t know you exist. Whether or not you have any innate interest in promotion and marketing—whether or not you enjoy it—it has to become at least half of your job, your energy, and your attention at the beginning stages of a new venture. Promoting your business helps you to help others and provide a valuable service in the world as only you can do it.

The service you render others
is the rent you pay for your room on earth.
—Wilfred Grenfell

The Soul of Money

It is easy to get lost in the practical details of managing money and forget the higher purpose of this gateway: to provide a foundation for spiritual practice and to free your attention from the task of survival. Lynne Twist, co-founder of The Hunger Project, put it this way to Michael Toms on New Dimensions Radio:

Money is an inanimate object [but] we can assign to it a spiritual meaning and voice and power if we choose to, and give it some soul. Money doesn’t have any soul, but we do, and we’re the people through whom money flows and with which money speaks . . . And when our spirit is unleashed, what’s unleashed is the prosperity of the soul, of the heart. . . and in that truth, the whole world belongs to you.

When I became committed to teaching whatever I learned, more information poured in. In the same way, as you contact the joy of sharing your abundant spirit, more spiritual wealth pours down from the heavens, bathing you in its light. Managing your money is provides another arena of practicing everyday enlightenment.

From that point of awareness, we turn now to the source of all beliefs—to the mind. It serves as a prison for some, but for you can also hold the key to freedom.

© Copyright 1998 by Dan Millman.  From the book “EVERYDAY ENLIGHTENMENT: The Twelve Gateways to Personal Growth” (Warner Books, 1998).

Dan Millman is featured in the transformative film Leap! The Movie. www.leapmovie.com

Dan Millman is a former world trampoline champion, Stanford gymnastics coach, and Oberlin college professor. His eleven books, including Way of the Peaceful Warrior, Everyday Enlightenment, The Life You Were Born to Live, The Laws of Spirit, and Living on Purpose have inspired millions of readers in 20 languages worldwide.  His website: www.danmillman.com

Things changed as the twentieth century gained momentum. From our parents’ time up until the present, the context of relationship shifted toward “luxury-items” such as the fulfillment of potential. Movies, literature and other arts began to celebrate the transcendent possibilities of relationship–symbolized by the graceful dance of Fred and Ginger–and the Freudian revolution seemed to offer tools for handling problems when mis-steps caused us to tread on each other painfully.

Discover “The Relationship Solution” with Gay and Kathlyn HERE.

The New Context

It is a huge shift in context from survival (“handling plows”) to fulfillment (‘handling issues.”) In the survival-context, life is lived in waves of fear and hunger, with periods of relief from fear. In the fulfillment-context, life is lived in waves of fulfillment and the hunger for more. We believe, however, that the context is about to make an even larger shift, opening access to a new force-field electric with previously-hidden potential. We believe that relationships in the new millenium will shift toward a focus on appreciation and celebration. The focus will be on the flow of connection. As people become more sensitive to the flow of energy inside themselves and in their relationships, they are looking beyond traditional problem-solving and therapeutic techniques. They want life-skills they can use by-the-moment to awaken and enhance the flow of connection. The art of appreciating is the best way we’ve found to deepen the flow of connection. A single act of skillful committing or appreciating instantly shifts the relationship into a greater felt-sense of flow.

To imagine the kind of context-shift we’re talking about, think of a magician’s tablecloth trick. Picture two fabulous place-settings: Baccarat crystal glasses, Limoges china and your favorite silver. Imagine you and your beloved sitting down to dine amidst the beauty of the table-setting, when suddenly you realize the table cloth is made of…wax paper.

Quickly, though, you make a decision to enhance the quality of your life rather than despairing over it. You snap your fingers and a magician appears. With a wink and a smooth flourish, the magician whips the wax paper out from under the place settings without disturbing them. With another magical move, he slides a crisp linen tablecloth under the place-settings, without so much as rattling a teacup. Suddenly the essential beauty of what was there before is enhanced. Only one thing has changed, but everything has changed.

That’s not only a context-shift, it’s a conscious marriage of the power of your intention with your ability to create real magic.

That’s the domain of the new paradigm.

Practically Speaking

In the survival context , relationships exist inside the question, “What must we do to survive?” Considerable time is spent shoring up defenses against hostile forces and carrying out chores in the rut of routine. There is little time or energy to search for fulfillment. You are watching and listening for threats to your survival.

In the fulfillment context, we live inside different questions, such as “What must we do to fulfill our potential?” and “How can we solve the problems which are the barriers to expressing that potential?” Considerable attention is paid to the past, where the barriers were presumed to have been been originally erected. Considerable energy is consumed in power struggles about which partner bears responsibility for the barrier. You are watching and listening for how to meet the needs of others and whether your own needs are being met.

In the new paradigm, the questions are profoundly different than survival or fulfillment. Your relationships live within questions such as,

“What commitments do I need to embrace which will allow the relationship to flourish?”

“What do I really admire and love about my partner?”

“How can I best appreciate those qualities and actions?”

“What can I do to make myself more available for appreciation?”

Although you have good problem-solving techniques at your disposal, you do not focus as much on problems. Instead, you look for what’s right in the other person and in the relationship. You embark on a shared quest to find each other’s essential qualities so that they may be skillfully appreciated.

You initiate your entry into the new paradigm with a conscious choice. Imagine life as a waiter or waitress, offering you a menu with three choices on it:

•Living your life in waves of fear.

•Living your life in waves of fulfillment.

•Living your life in waves of celebration.

If you were going to pick one, what would your choice be?

In our relationship seminars, 99% of the participants choose celebration. There seems to be one or two people in every group who cannot imagine life without fear or the quest for fulfillment. Almost everyone else, though, sees that the conscious choice to organize your life around a context of appreciation opens up the greatest number of possibilities. If your life is about appreciation, you can celebrate even the days when your body is occupied by fear or your mind is pre-occupied with a potential you haven’t fulfilled.

If you listen closely to the communications of most couples, you will see that some of their utterances may be colored by survival concerns, but a majority of them are surrounded by an aura of fulfillment and the lack thereof. Specifically, communications come with expectations embedded within them–or disappointment and anger that those expectations have not been fulfilled. Nowadays, when a woman says to her husband, “You forgot to get the potatoes at the store,” she is not likely to be talking about a survival issue. More likely, the sub-text of the communication is “If you loved me, you would have remembered the potatoes,” or “If you loved me you would listen when I tell you what I need from the store.” She may be saying, “I don’t feel loved and appreciated, and here’s further evidence of why I have every right to feel that way.”

These patterns have a way of hardening into place with time, so that many couples develop rigidly predictable styles of thinking and communicating. One of our poet-friends came by to visit us after being at a party with many long-married couples. She lamented that most of the couples looked like “matched pairs of glazed pots.” That’s the effect of staying too long in an old paradigm.

The new paradigm extends out from partner-interactions to the larger arena of life-as-a-whole. In its broadest application, the new paradigm is about how to live your whole life from a stance of gratitude rather than a stance of scarcity. It’s about greeting each moment of life with an open heart rather than a judgmental mind. It asks you to express appreciation for no other reason than your decision to live a grateful life. Rather than waiting for life to bring experiences to you so that you can judge them worthy of appreciation, you initiate the new paradigm by taking a pro-active stance of gratitude toward your life-experience. You walk through life as a philanthropist rather than a supplicant, a producer rather than a consumer.

The difference is profound.

©  Kathlyn Hendricks, Ph.D. and Gay Hendricks, Ph.D.

Discover “The Relationship Solution” with Gay and Kathlyn HERE.